


America Grows

by Biblicalplague



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Yandere Russia (Hetalia)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-11-27 11:37:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20947703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biblicalplague/pseuds/Biblicalplague
Summary: America navigates the murky waters of both international politics and womanhood on her way to becoming the world's superpower. Ambition is easy, but matters of the heart take time to learn. In all things, America grows.Historically-inspired, drabble-esque chapters follow Amelia's love life from her time as a colony to modern day.





	1. Everyone Has A History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia casts off Arthur and experiences her first rejection. Everyone has a history and she's about to start writing her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cleaned Up: Nov. 2, 2019. 
> 
> Arthur comes off as a bit of dick in this first chapter, but he'll get his redemption in the future. Amelia isn't the only one who grows, and she won't be the only person who changes. There's some abuse in this chapter and talk of child grooming that might make some folks uncomfortable.

America is growing up faster than England can keep pace with her.

She was such a tiny little thing when he first found her and he can still remember how reluctant he was to leave her childish form in the arms of a carefully selected nursemaid. He remembers her pudgy cheeks and chubby fingers clinging to him, how her wide blue eyes had held such concern when he thought for sure he was going to be rejected in favor of France.

Amelia chose him, something nobody had ever done before. She’s special.

He makes certain her childhood is a happy one, spoils her best he can, and reminds her she was born to be great. She’s his colony.

As much as he would like to spend more time with her, it grows more difficult with each passing year. He’s resolved to outfit her with everything a girl needs, demands she studies and practices those virtues that make a woman a lady, and--most importantly--keeps her away from the likes of Spain and France (constant nuisances in more ways than one).

It is Prussia who puts the idea in his head.

Perhaps Arthur had it all along. He had taken notice of her fine, golden locks. She was much more spirited than the average woman, a quality he was hard-pressed to admit he liked. She drank more than she should, especially whiskey which troubled him to a certain degree. She showed more skin than proper, though often accidentally as a result of some athletic feat, be it climbing a tree or running after a stray dog. At the talk of war, she offered to fight on the front lines rather than wait with the rest of the ladies. She has never been demure. He scoffs at the very word. Amelia is often the loudest person in the room, drawing attention wherever she goes.

“She’s a pretty one, isn’t she?” The comment is offhand and inoffensive. It’s more akin to a compliment on his behalf, an appraisal of his possession, said the same way one might remark about a boat. But Arthur hates the way his crimson eyes travel over her body, stopping at her bodice as if he could judge the size of her budding chest through it.

Before he can scold the other man, Gilbert’s serious gaze is on him. His unlikely friend actually has a half-decent word of advice. “Make her your wife before somebody else does. She won’t be content with this arrangement forever.”

Arthur harks a laugh. “Stick to the battlefield, kraut. Since when are you an expert in matters of the heart?”

“Marriage is a tool for the weak, but if you don’t want to ever fight your precious little America, then you’ll need to reign her in now,” Gilbert advises, truly giving Arthur something to ponder. Now he understands. Gilbert would know an awful lot about fighting the woman he loves.

Arthur is no stranger to it either. He won’t make the same mistake twice if it can be avoided.

* * *

America is growing up faster than England realizes.

“Must I wear this?” she asks with a pout, holding up the gown Arthur has brought her. It's made with obvious craftsmanship, fine fabric, and she can tell by the flair that it must come straight from Paris. It looks like something Francoise would proudly wear, if a bit too modest for her lascivious sense of self.

He feels odd standing in her bedroom with her these days, and Amelia watches him with a bit of confusion as he hovers near the door. A gentleman and a lady shouldn't be alone like this, Arthur thinks, but Amelia doesn't even seem to consider that. She barely pays attention to social norms. She turns her eyes back to the dress and sighs, looking thoroughly displeased. “I can’t wear it. It’s much too small in the waist. I won’t be able to breath! I won’t be able to fight if anyone needs me!”

“Why would you need to fight when you have me right here?” Arthur is quick to argue, shaking his head in dismay. Amelia fixes him with a look and purses her lips. “Come now, love...You can rely on me and my might for anything. It’s a husband’s job to look after his wife, after all.”

That makes her eyes widen. Arthur was hoping for a breathless glance, perhaps a light dust of pink across her too-tanned cheeks as she's swept off her feet by his sly proposal.

Amelia is indeed breathless. She’s breathless from _laughter_.

“Oh, Artie! You’re a riot! Shakespeare’s comedies pale in comparison to you!” She tosses the dress upon her bed and begins to fish for something more comfortable in her wardrobe. Another giggle escapes her. “You, as my husband…”

Her first rejection of him stings. He can’t even be bothered to be impressed by her reference to his favorite writer. “And why not me as your husband?” Arthur sniffs, and Amelia rolls her eyes from behind the wardrobe door. He can't see her, but he grows more indignant by the moment. Doesn't she realize the magnitude of what he's doing? She's not even his political equal. “You’re my colony. You should be honored to be my wife.”

“Well, I ain’t your wife. I’m your colony. You said it yourself,” she replies, using that improper grammar she knows he despises. Her tone is clipped and argumentative, another nasty trait of hers that reminds him of someone else.

“No, you’re not my wife. Not yet. We’ll have to turn you into a proper lady before then. I’ll be spending much more time with you in preparation.”

America can’t abide that. She’s been used to the lack of England’s presence and even began delving into her own affairs for awhile yet. “I don’t know any other countries who are married, female or otherwise. Francoise seems perfectly happy without a husband.”

Arthur wrinkles his nose at the mention of that foul, untamable woman. Amelia seems to have inherited her innate ability to get his blood boiling. Francoise had only fleeting interactions with the girl to Arthur's knowledge. When did she pick up on her mannerisms? “You’d do well to avoid that trollop. Nothing good ever comes from her company!”

“Does anything good ever come from _yours_ these days, Artie?” She sounds exasperated. “Those new taxes of yours are beyond vexing and you’ve sent more soldiers here to enforce them without even consulting me! If this is how you plan on treating your future wife, then I must object! At this rate, I’d rather marry that Prussian...At least he taught me how to hold a rifle.”

That's the last straw. It's one thing for her to sass him, to complain about his ways, but another thing entirely to look to another man. His sweet, puritan Amelia might not be as innocent as he thought. It's a real possibility that she's been sullied and tainted by other men in their time apart. He saw Gilbert appraise her. Would he really steal her right out from under his nose like that? Is Amelia going to leave him too? Something dark possesses him.

Amelia has talked back to Arthur before, but she’s never seen him fly into such a fit of violent rage. The sudden hand on her neck makes her choke. She is more shocked by his actions than physically incapable of protecting herself. He squeezes, and she can hear a gunshot ring out somewhere, like the ghost of a memory. "You belong to me!" In his eyes, she can see the wrath he's inflicted upon his other colonies. There is madness there, bloodthirsty and angry with an all-encompassing belief he can own her. Arthur kisses her hard, and Amelia chokes when she feels his tongue in her mouth. Bile rises in her stomach, but she's more aware of the indignation and rage that fills her entire being as he attempts to claim ownership, to put her in a place that's beneath him.

Arthur leaves five bruises on her neck, and five of her men die that day.

It’s a mistake. It should never have happened. He apologizes, she tersely accepts, but he can see in her eyes that he’s lost her.

* * *

It’s only when she’s standing over him, flanked by Gilbert, Francoise, and Antonio does he understand that she was never his in the first place. 

She steps forward to end it all, her rifle raised with a posture that looks more Prussian than British in that moment. She’s neither. She’s uniquely American.

“I won’t stand in for the love you lost, England. I am not France. You cannot make me her. You could not tame her either. So why did you try so hard to push me to be something you know that I could never be? That you don't even want?” 

He only has silence for her, the rain hiding his nearly silent sobs. He is defeated and he can’t bear to see either one of their faces right now. 

“I loved you. I did. I just wanted you to love me for me...” Is she crying too? He's scared to look on the chance that she isn't, that her eyes only have pity and no regrets. “I tried to fit what you wanted for years, but at a certain point...I grew up. I’m not your little girl anymore. I’m not a wife you can groom. From this moment on, I am independent.” 

* * *

She’s a big girl now, ready for her big girl life. This, she foolishly thinks, means turning to her teacher.

She’s proven herself, hasn’t she? He treated her as a soldier, not a woman. Gilbert called her a worm like the rest of the men and there had been something exhilarating in the sheer equality of it all. She noticed the glances he gave her body, but he never touched her inappropriately. He held her hands as he taught her how to hold a rifle steady, but that was as close as he came to ever touching her intimately. He joked about sex and swore and drank and most importantly shared that drink with her.

It’s not called liquid courage for nothing.

She tries to kiss him, because her last kiss was so disappointing, and the drink is so stiff, any other kiss aside from Arthur’s is bound to taste good. She doesn’t want Arthur to be the last person she kissed, not like that, not when it was so violent. Amelia decides Gilbert can be violent, as long as it’s on her terms, as long as she starts it and as long as he lets her finish it.

It’s the first time she’s rejected.

“Sorry, kid. I’m spoken for,” he says, and Amelia really does get the sense he’s sorry. Their lips brushed for just a moment, but Gilbert jumps back as if he’s been burned. He seems inordinately guilty for a man so opposed to marriage. What doesn’t she understand? He doesn't have a wife. He makes a big show of it. “Some bonds don’t require a ring or a grand announcement. I gave my vows to a girl back home years ago. She might think it’s fine to break them, but I won’t. They were spoken to the big man himself. No take-backs with that.”

Gilbert doesn’t do anything but wound her pride and bruise her ego. She’s embarrassed by the rejection. It will take a bit of time, but America will eventually realize that everyone in this world has a past and everyone is burdened by it. Her story is just starting to be written. She will always have England. She may be independent now, but he will always be a part of her history even if she chooses not to make him a part of her future.

“I’ll recognize your independence,” Gilbert promises, putting out the fire, deciding to end their night before Elizabeta's ghost possesses them both. Amelia assumes he's going to mention her, but the Prussian is full of surprises. “You remind me of my little brother.”

She wishes he wouldn’t say that with such a concerned look on his face, as if he can see her future. She likes Gilbert, but whenever he isn’t joking around, his eyes are too serious and remind her of a church graveyard. He is too haunted.

Amelia has had enough of people deciding she reminds them of someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not interested in 100% historical accuracy since that's not really what this story is about (more interested in exploring the growth of a young woman's emotional intelligence), but if anyone was wondering...
> 
> Amelia and Arthur's physical altercation is a stand-in for the Boston Massacre, with the five bruises symbolizing the five colonists who died as a result. 
> 
> Prussia is playing the role of Baron von Steuben, who trained up America's military. While I am a big fan of PruHun, both men were certainly not interested in American women (Steuben was gay). Prussia was one of the first major powers to recognize American independence though, beginning in 1785.


	2. Beware Men with Pretty Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia's relationship with Ivan is built upon manipulation, deception, and weakness, but that doesn't mean there isn't love. Love just isn't always enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited: Nov 2. 2019  
This is very RusAme-centric, particularly from the 1800s to WWI. I wrote almost all of it while tipsy at 12:00 am on a Saturday.

It’s one thing for Arthur to distrust her to run her own affairs, but it’s another infuriating thing entirely to find that the men leading her country fail to trust her in much the same regard. It has nothing to do with being a former colony. No, that’s not it at all. America is the land of the free and the home of the brave. America is beautiful.

She is not smart. She is not savvy. She is not a property-owning white male.

America is beautiful, but she is a woman, and women can’t be expected to know what’s best for themselves.

Abigail Adams is like a mother to her during that time. She’s a confidante Amelia can trust, but her experience with Davie has made the nation wary of getting close to any mortal. No matter how much she admires the First Lady and how much confidence she inspires in the capabilities of women, Amelia can’t bring herself to stay close to home. The disrespect makes her restless.

She’s a fairly large nation in her own right already, but she needs more. She needs to prove to everyone that just because she’s female doesn’t mean she’s one to be trifled with. She defeated England, hadn’t she? Sure, she had help from some of Arthur’s enemies, but hardly anyone thought she could pull it off!

Spain and Amelia managed to resolve a dispute over a few border lines in Florida. Francoise became a headache in the wake of the Revolutionary War, but Amelia held her own during the XYZ Affair. She can do this. She can really be a country in charge of herself.

Amelia decides she needs to build on this momentum. She’s not just going to be a colonizer like England, but she will be a conqueror.

In her opinion, Russia is one of the few nations who recognizes her for who she really is. He sees her potential and he recognizes her greatness, one large, powerful nation to another.

Better yet, he has a female boss who shows Amelia nothing but kindness.

She’s smitten almost immediately. As soon as she presents herself to the empress, she knows she will love Russia in a way she’s never loved anyone--not even England.

He is princely. When he’s not whispering to Catherine, his attention seems solely focused on Amelia and America is just dying to trust anyone who has a little bit of faith in her. She would never admit that, of course, but when he sweeps her into his arms and spins her about the ballroom, she is dizzy with feelings. This is the prince she has been waiting for, the fairytale dream of all those stories she laughed at but secretly wished would come true.

Ivan is charming. He carves a path into her heart like a skilled hunter cutting into any other bird. Amelia doesn’t realize that he’s only doing things that are politically convenient. How could she when he speaks to her so sweetly?

“We laughed when England asked us to help him~! Of course, we were polite about it! But it was so satisfying to hear news that your freedom fighters had triumphed…!” Ivan entertains her. He looks spectacular in that imperial uniform, but Amelia can’t help but wonder what’s underneath. “I have never met more inspiring woman, Amelia...You certainly are something special.”

The Declaration of Independence is banned in Russia. Ivan can’t let his people see it. There would be an uproar. He doesn’t mention any of this to Amelia. He’s just happy England is suffering. He’ll suffer more if the two of them are friendly. His precious colony will be his.

“It’s really a testament to my people. I’m made up of hard-working folks, you know? I just want to do my best for them!” She smiles over a cup of tea and tries not to think of Arthur, though that’s no small feat when she’s drinking English breakfast tea; it’s still her favorite. Sometimes she misses Arthur, but she dares not voice that sentiment. “Still, it is nice that we’re able to talk like this now...I’ve heard so much about the Russian Empire, but it’s nothing like meeting you in person...Sharing your company like this…”

She’s almost cute when she’s blushing. Even Ivan can see that. She’s a simple girl, but an adorable one all the same. He wonders what she looks like when she’s writhing in agony, edging on pain and pleasure alike. He’ll find out in time.

“Is romantic, yes~?” He leads her on, pretty violet eyes gazing at her the way Amelia dares to dream a man might look at a woman he fancies. “I am supporting you and your efforts from abroad. I hear great tales of American beauty. America has always been something of fantasy...A new world, they said...But I was not prepared for Amelia.”

He makes her heart skip a beat the way Arthur never could. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I am being enraptured by you~!” He says what he’s thinking so easily and with an inviting smile. Ivan concedes it’s not entirely a lie. He does spend quite a bit of time thinking of America. Amelia, not so much, but she is pretty and she is exceedingly rare in this world. It would be nice to have a female for a change.

The blonde blushes prettily. He likes when she changes colors. He might like to see her when she can’t breathe. What shade of blue will she turn?

“You’re so bold, Russia…”

“Call me Ivan, solnishko,” he quickly corrects, and Amelia turns a brilliant shade of red. “Ah, there is my sunshine...Look at how your cheeks be burning!”

She forgets all manners and dignity at that. “Hey, quite picking on me! Don’t treat me like a little kid!” Despite what she says, there’s a whine in her voice. Ivan knows if she were truly upset, she’d have an entirely different tone. He’s been studying her for awhile now.

“I am treating you like a lady I would like to be courting. One day, I would like it very much if you and I could be one…”

It’s a mistake springing that on her so quickly. Ivan can see his calculation was off. Her posture becomes rigid.

“Sorry, but I’m not interested in being anyone’s colony ever again. I’m going to be a great nation. I don’t have time to bow to anyone.” Amelia’s grip is tight on her teacup. It’s a lucky thing she hasn’t snapped it yet.

“Yes, yes! Of course! You are still so young~! Forgive me, I just...have great interest in Amelia.That is all. America is lovely country, but it is being beyond that for me…” There’s a sparkle back in her eyes. He can recover from his blunder. “I know you are quite young. I am old man by comparison. I guess you can say I worry that I will be alone forever at this rate~!”

It’s more true than he’d like to admit. He is lonely. He doesn’t like that feeling of emptiness.

“You should be free to do as you please. But one day, when you are my equal, I hope you will at least consider my offer…”

It’s quiet for a moment. He can see the gears in her head turning, considering, calculating. Amelia almost looks as if she pities him. Eventually, she nods and agrees. “One day. England used to warn me that nations can’t have typical relationships like other humans. Technically, we’re not human ourselves. If I were to marry and act like a common woman, I’d be subservient to you. But the United States won’t answer to anyone ever again.”

He can see that in spite of what she’s saying, she’s not entirely thrilled about rejecting his courtship.

“I support your endeavors as nation,” Ivan begins slowly. “I suggest you assert yourself and demand from others what is rightfully yours. However, as woman...Is it really so wrong to be giving in to your base instincts?”

That confuses her. “What exactly do you mean…?”

“Well...Surely, normal social rules do not apply to you, yes~?” He’s no fool. He’s heard of her disdain for such things. Amelia is not a lady. She’s just pretending. “You should do as you please. You are no ordinary woman~! You should take what you want always. Act like a man. If you desire me, you should have me~!”

More color in her cheeks, more wheels turning. “Russia…”

“Ivan.”

“Ivan…” she corrects, biting her lower lip. “I...You’re very forward…”

“My apologies~! Do not be feeling pressured.” He wants her. If he wasn’t on orders from Catherine to play the long game, he would have her on this table right now. Instead, he smiles sweetly and pretends to understand. “I hope we stay in touch and have many opportunities to enjoy each others’ company, yes?”

“Yes!” At least she’s quick to agree to that. “Yes, I’ll take all of your advice to heart…Thank you, Ru--Ivan!”

* * *

To his annoyance, Amelia does take his words to heart. She takes them straight to her Monroe Doctrine, declaring that European colonialism in her sphere of influence will not be tolerated. She takes his advice to Japan, forcing him to open up trade to her. He can only imagine the interaction between the two nations.

No matter. When Amelia experiences her first mental breakdown, Ivan is there for her. He has gone through plenty of civil wars himself and come out better for it (in his opinion). He will hold her hand through her internal struggles and make certain she remembers who she really belongs to. He’ll keep England away and reap the benefits of her naive heart that believes he’s acting in her best interest.

Her virginity is the cherry on top.

“It hurts,” she gasps as he’s inside her, and Ivan immediately assumes she means his girth.

“You will get used to it,” he says gruffly, thrusting into her with little issue or regard for her pleasure.

Amelia grits her teeth. It’s not the sex that’s painful. It’s her people fighting one another. She feels a bit bad using Ivan as a distraction, but right now she needs to feel anything other than the civil war that’s taking place in her heart. “Harder. I’m not made of glass.”

At a certain point, Ivan has her screaming his name and he feels so satisfied with himself. He wants to gloat, but Amelia doesn’t stop screaming even after he’s finished. He’s not sure when her screams of pleasure turned to screams of agony, but not even sex and the taunt of love can distract her from the suffering of her people. She is crying in his arms.

“It hurts!” she screams, clinging to him, tears rolling down her cheeks. “It hurts so fucking bad! I--! I--!”

“Breathe, solnishko!” he coaches her as she hyperventilates, her naked body heaving and spasming. Amelia screams and clings to him harder. He doesn’t even flinch. Her body is bending in ways it shouldn’t be able to, as if an invisible force is beating her. It looks like she’s having a seizure, but he allows her to ride it out, all soothing words and comforting touches. He’s been through too many of these fits himself.

* * *

Russia’s navy inadvertently shields the Union from British support of the Confederacy. It was a purely selfish move, but Amelia’s people believe they are acting in her best interest and she’s much the same.

“I love you,” she whispers to him one night, after another fit has passed and he’s simply holding her in his arms. “You give me strength…”

Her smile is so pure, Ivan almost feels guilty about his deception. She really is a beautiful girl, but more than being beautiful, she shines like the sun. She sees the goodness in even a wretch like him.

“I love you too,” he whispers back, even though he isn’t entirely sure he’s capable of loving anyone. He’s been a nation for too long. This can’t end happily. All he knows is that if he could love someone, he’d want to love Amelia. She really is sunshine.

Amelia melts into his kiss. Everything else seems far away. Ivan has her heart. He loves her. She can carry on with the knowledge that she will always have him on her side. Those who told her to heed his instability know nothing of their love. He would never lie to her. They are lovers. She gave him her purity.

* * *

They fight together in the First World War. He advocates for her. He knows her value. She was reluctant to come to the Allies’ aid, but Germany shot himself in the foot with his own foolishness. He forced Amelia’s hand and she was a force to be reckoned with in turn.

“I just want peace,” she whispers to him in the dark as they twine their fingers together. He agrees, nuzzles his nose into her golden blonde hair, and thinks that this is peace, right here, when they’re together.

He doesn’t want to return to Russia where he can feel himself losing his mind. He knows he is changing, but Amelia is in love with him as he is and has been for years. He wants to love her too. She’s one of the few people who isn’t terrified of him. He loves her. He wants to continue to love her. 

He keeps his earlier manipulations a secret. He doesn’t want her to know. He tries to hide his ugliness even as he is losing his mind. He loves her, and she loves him. If anything changes now, it could destroy this little nest of happiness they’ve built together. Doesn’t he deserve to be happy for once? Don’t they both deserve the respite? 

When she asks if everything is alright, if the royal family is doing well, he lies to her outright. He can tell she’s concerned, but he just wants to put her at ease even as they place the tsar and his family under house arrest, even as they lead them to their deaths.

_“Everything is fine, solnishko. I will see you soon. With love, Russia.”_

Everything is not fine. She can tell he’s not fine when he’s the Russian Republic, and she can hardly recognize him as the Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic.

The complete and total change in attitude is swift. It’s a slap in her face. All Amelia can do is watch, horrified, as he tears himself apart and his wealthy citizens flee in fear of their lives. She finds herself wondering where her prince has gone, but Ivan tells her to mind her own business. He doesn’t care what she does, so why should she care so much about him? Stupid American whore. How could she give herself up to him so easily in the past? She’s shameless.

Amelia feels used and like a complete fool, but she resolves not to cry over him and Arthur reminds her to keep a stiff upper lip.

She weeps for the war, for the lost, for herself, but she doesn’t cry over him. She’s mad at herself for daring to trust a man with smooth words, but she won’t make that mistake again. Amelia is her own person. She doesn’t have time to waste crying over men.

Lovino Vargas agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catherine the Great was a boss-ass lady who really helped the colonists out by mostly not giving a fuck about England. She turned them into a total laughing stock by refusing to come to their aid during the American Revolution. 
> 
> While the colonists benefited from Russia's foreign policy, the Declaration of Independence was banned in Russia for quite awhile due to the fear that it would cause unrest among the common folk (serfs, etc). The Russian Empire never agreed to America's ideals, it was simply more convenient to support them against a European rival. 
> 
> In the same vain, a common misconception is that the Russian navy went and prevented the British from blockading Union ports during the American Civil War. They did, but that wasn't really their goal. They just wanted to keep on trading. It had nothing to do with love for America or anything like that.


	3. Rebounds and Beards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither Amelia nor Lovino desire each other, but when your heart is broken, it can help to find someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Ideally, you'd be clear with your intentions, but it usually doesn't work out that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated: Nov 2. 2019
> 
> Shamelessly just wanted to put the image of Lovino and Amelia going out there and living it up during the Roaring 20s. I see Lovino as bisexual, but I think this chapter is up to interpretation on what his actual sexuality is. Just know Spamano is on the horizon.

“You seem to be doing well,” Arthur mentions, bags under his own eyes. Amelia knows that if he had more energy, he’d be practically snapping at her over his cup of tea. She would almost prefer it.

She fingers the rim of her teacup, though it’s not tea. She’s developed a taste for things a bit more bitter, among them coffee and its Irish variant. “You could say that. Things are roaring~!”

Yes, it’s the decade that will become known as the Roaring 20s. While Europe is attempting to rebuild itself, Amelia is experiencing an economic boon like she’s never known. She’s shining brighter than anyone else on the world stage in every way. Who would have guessed she’d be leading them all to join the League of Nations? When did she become so politically mighty?

Arthur scoffs. “Good for you...I’ve seen some of your precious authors floating through Paris though, drunk as skunks.” The Lost Generation, they’ll come to call them. Francoise has charmed them. He can relate.

“Spending an awful bit of time in Paris these days, eh, Artie~?” Amelia teases him with a playful wink. “You should know my people are everywhere these days~!”

They certainly are. Manifest Destiny isn’t dead yet.

“What’s it to you where I spend my time?!” Ah, it’s almost comforting to hear his voice rise to that pitch. It’s not a good time unless she riles Arthur up at least once. “I can’t trust that frog to do anything right. I’m just making sure she doesn’t screw things up for the rest of us.”

“Because she’s a woman or because you have the biggest crush on her?”

“Because--!” Arthur practically squawks. “_NEITHER_!”

Amelia giggles over the rim of her teacup, blowing very unladylike bubbles into the liquid, unable to stop laughing even as she has a taste of rich coffee. Arthur doesn’t bother to correct her manners.

“...Since when did you start drinking coffee?” It’s strange. Is that something she picked up from Ivan? Arthur doesn’t dare comment on that. He learned his lesson the hard way a long time ago.

“Lovino turned me on to it. Toris is pretty good at brewing it, too.” Amelia shrugs and then studies Arthur’s face. He doesn’t seem bothered by her new preference, but he is thinking carefully.

“How is Toris settling in?” He sets his cup of tea aside, finished with it. “And when did you start going around with South Italy of all people?”

“Toris is doing well. I think he misses Felix more than he realizes. We had to tell him to keep some of his population at home...At the rate he was going, he was all but ready to disappear...I know he wanted to get away from...Well…” Any mention of Ivan brings Amelia’s mood down. She’s quick to change the subject.

“Lovino is so much fun! He’s really cool and totally awesome!” Such a generic answer from her, but Arthur can see that she really means it. “We go to all the speakeasies together! In fact, I’m meeting him soon. He’s picking me up.”

“He is?” This is news to Arthur. They’ve spent the day together, back to being a happily platonic pair. He’s beat though. He assumed Amelia would want to go straight to bed after this. How does she have the energy to go out? “Where are you going?”

“First, a little place he knows in Manhattan on Mulberry Street for dinner, then to Coney Island to enjoy the amusements, and then to a place that Lovino’s friend Frankie runs,” Amelia says cheerfully, clearly excited about the date he’s planned.

“I see. Do _you_ know Frankie?”

“Why would I need to know him? He’s a friend of Lovino’s! Plus, he got me these really cute shoes the other day...He’s always giving out gifts. Isn’t that sweet~?”

“What does Frankie do?”

“Well, he says he’s an undertaker…” Amelia is confused by the third degree, but before Arthur can warn her about what unscrupulous fellows those Italians can be, a car is honking outside her place. “Don’t wait up, Artie!!”

Arthur is out of his seat almost as quickly as she is, sputtering as Amelia races out the door, as energetic as any excitable teenage girl.

“What in the devil do you think you’re--?!” He cuts himself off as he watches Amelia throw herself at the slight Italian. To Lovino’s credit, he catches her and spins her in his arms, which only makes her squeal with delight.

“How’s the most beautiful girl in the world doing, eh?” He asks, loud enough for Arthur to hear and subsequently gag. But Amelia seems to like it, because she kisses him squarely on the lips and he holds her in a way that certainly should not be public. Everything about this is undignified, but it isn’t until Amelia starts nuzzling her nose with Lovino’s and the two are giggling to each other that Arthur decides he’s had enough.

Even as he retreats to the solitude of his lodgings, he can hear Lovino’s booming voice admonishing what Amelia is wearing. “You’re so beautiful! But these clothes, amor? No, no, no, I must take you shopping before tonight. Let’s get you something dazzling!”

There’s something off about all this, but Arthur can’t put his finger on it. It bothers him. If he can’t figure it out, what hope does Amelia have?

* * *

Amelia has it all figured out. Being involved with Lovino is safe for such a simple reason.

“You look fabulous in that gown, bella! Fantastico!” He has a gift for boosting any girl’s confidence, and though Amelia feels secure in her position as a nation for once, it’s her heart that needs a bit of healing. Lovino’s loud Italian charm makes her walk a bit taller.

His access to liquor might be even better though. Amelia isn’t a moron. She knows that Francesco Yale is a criminal, but the drinks are stiff and she likes her coffee with whiskey. She likes getting drunk with Lovino, because Lovino glares daggers at any man who even looks at her. Nobody bothers her when he’s around. Even if a drunk makes a comment about her looks, Lovino is quick to tell them to fuck off. He’s the ideal male companion.

He takes her home, ever the gentleman, kissing her passionately all the way to the bedroom. Lovino is good at this. His sculptor’s hands hold her as if attempting to trace every inch of her body and memorize her curves for his next work. Feliciano might be the one known for his artistic ability, but Lovino is a tortured artist, hating himself but admiring beauty wherever it can be found. The mafia might be hell, but it’s attracted a pretty little moth to its flame. As long as he doesn’t burn her, what’s the harm in illuminating her flight?

Once they reach her bedroom, Lovino always gives pause, his liquor-laced mind somewhere else for a brief moment of hesitation. There’s a sadness there that is so familiar to her, she almost shed a tear the first time she recognized it.

Kissing isn’t his only talent. Lovino is every bit the skilled Italian lover he likes to brag about. He’s a selfish man, but in bed, he has such a desire to please. Amelia wonders if he’s like this with men, or if it’s just the fact that she can’t get him hard that makes him so giving with his fingers and tongue.

Amelia is selfish too, but at a certain point, it’s just ridiculous and no fun being with someone who doesn’t truly desire you. The disconnect is too much. Before he can remove her underwear, she stops him.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, and she isn’t sure how to call him out on what’s really going on here even though she finally has damning evidence.

“Aren’t you going to go home soon?” she asks, hoping he’ll get it. When Lovino just gives her a blank look coupled with mild annoyance, she sighs. “Do I really have to tell you that my telephone is tapped?”

There’s a stand-off until Lovino finally puts two and two together. His gasp is more akin to a soul leaving its body. “You--! You were listening? !”

“It’s my home and you’re still a foreign nation contacting other foreign nations...Did you honestly think I wasn’t listening?” Lovino is beautiful, but she’s starting to feel a bit of empathy for Germany. These guys aren’t too bright. Or should she be offended that people think she doesn’t take her own security seriously? For Lovino’s benefit, she’s going to assume he’s dumb.

A part of Amelia wishes she hadn’t heard Spain’s pathetic sobs. He had been pleading with Lovino to return to Europe, that he needed him.

“And where were you when I needed you?!” Lovino had sobbed right back.

You don’t cry like that unless you’re missing the one you love. Amelia knows that now. She had spent plenty of miserable nights alone just like that, though she’d never admit it. Lovino recognized the sadness in her, and she recognized it in him.

Without ever speaking of it, they had agreed to mutually use each other. He made her feel good and she was his beard. Maybe she could have gone on pretending like this if she hadn’t heard the way Antonio had begged him to come back.

“He really loves you, Lovino. Everyone knows that. You can be together.” She’s jealous.

“We’re men!” he reminds her quickly. “Men can never be together!”

“Social norms don’t _really_ apply to us…” She hates using Ivan’s words, but it’s not like he was wrong. When it comes to love and sex, being a nation is just different. “There are so few female countries to begin with. You know, when in Rome…”

“I _am_ Rome!” Lovino produces tears at a faster rate than anyone Amelia knows. “I can’t be gay! It’s dirty and wrong! Maybe it’s okay to enjoy a bit of casual sex with a guy every once in awhile--I mean, who hasn’t had gay thoughts?--but to be_ in love_ with another man?!”

After that, it’s all rapid Italian Amelia can’t translate fast enough and the liquor is beginning to take its toll.

Eventually, she falls asleep to a babbling Lovino and wakes up alone. There’s no note and no explanation, no phone call later to tie up loose ends.

* * *

It’s Belgium who really clues the American in as to what happened after he left. She doesn’t say anything directly as to the nature of their relationship, but the look of relief on her face is all Amelia needs. It shouldn’t be such a surprise that two men so thoroughly perfect for each other have the same taste in beards. Both blondes are overjoyed for the pair and will welcome them with open arms when it’s time.

They don’t come out, but the next occasion Amelia sees them together, Lovino looks happier than he’s ever looked with her. It just seems right. It brings a warmth to her heart. For all the confidence-inspiring things Lovino has done for her, this is the most uplifting. For all their flaws, they’re happy together even in the face of a long and difficult history. There’s hope for the rest of them. Maybe someday she’ll get a happy ending too.

“America-san?” 

Kiku startles her out of her daydreams just before they can reach the thought of Ivan smiling again. 

“Oh, hey, Japan! How the hell are ya~?” 

“I’m doing well. The cherry blossoms are blooming so beautifully this time of year. How are the trees I sent you? I’ve been looking forward to seeing them bloom around Washington.” Japan sent them two thousand cherry blossoms as a gift of friendship. 

Her relationship status really shouldn’t matter to her when her heart is this full. It’s so nice to have friends the world over. There’s no way the League of Nations will fail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too much history tidbits in this one. Francesco Yale was an infamous mafioso operating in NYC. Pretty much everything Lovino has lined up for his and Amelia's date revolves around Little Italy and the mafia.


	4. Take Time To Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia is too busy being the world's heroine to focus on love and romance. It's important to take care of herself and the other relationships she values in her life. Kiku recognizes the importance of Amelia's friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter bounces around a bit in terms of perspective and time period, but Japan and America have such an interesting history, this felt like the best way to portray what is only a snapshot of their relationship. 
> 
> Please note there's talk of vomit in this chapter so if that grosses you out, uh...Sorry. It's meant to be gross. 
> 
> Consider this the sapling of eventual Ameripan.

_"You don’t even join the organization that was your own blasted idea and now you’ve gone and bloody abandoned us!”_

Amelia holds her head in her left hand, massaging the evolving creases in her forehead, the phone’s receiver held to her ear in her other hand. Arthur is furious with her.

“I can’t just join Europe’s war because you want me to!” she finally snaps back at him, throwing her back against her cushy office chair, free hand dangling at her side for a mere moment before being thrown up in the air to aid her protest. “You and Francoise made your bed and you guys have to lie in it! I’m real sorry that whole appeasement strategy with Germany didn’t work, but that’s not _my_ fault! It’s also not my responsibility!”

There’s some more shouting on the other end of the line and Amelia rolls her eyes, slumping back in her chair once more. Then Arthur mentions something that really strikes a chord. _“What sort of heroine turns her back on people in need?!”_

Amelia has always been obsessed with heroes. She’s even started to feature her own in comic books, with a fellow named Superman being among her new favorites. Arthur knows just how to bait her.

“Alright, alright, alright already! I’ll see what I can do. We’ve already stopped selling oil and iron to Japan, but I guess I can make a few arrangements that directly benefit you. Roosevelt and I are trying our best to get the rest of the country on the same page...Just hang in there, Artie. Don’t you know heroines always arrive to save the day just in the nick of time~?”

She hangs up on the squawking British gentleman, thoroughly pleased with herself despite the feeling in her gut that says she can’t keep up this isolationism for much longer.

Something awful is about to happen. She can feel it. Either she enters the war while she still has a choice or she’s going to be forced into it by somebody else.

Her eyes sweep to the world map on her study’s wall. It’s littered with pins, all color-coded with various meanings. Her friends are pinned in blue, enemies in green, and Russia is the lone black pin on the map--an eternal question mark. Amelia frowns as she focuses on Japan, his blue pin looking as if it’s ready to fall out; maybe that’s just her imagination.

She already wrote him to let him know she disagreed with his expansion into China. His victory against the Russian Empire had been impressive, but he shouldn’t be invading sovereign nations the way he is, especially now that he had joined the League of Nations. Members weren’t supposed to do that. It was kind of the point of the whole organization.

Amelia wasn’t particularly fond of Yao, but she was still surprised by how easily Kiku had turned on his ‘older brother’. But sometimes she looks at Arthur and she understands how it might be possible. Even so, Kiku just doesn’t seem like the type of person who could ever hurt anyone.

_I see you’ve made new friends, Kiku. I just hope you’re not planning on turning old ones into enemies…_

* * *

Kiku can still remember the first time he met Amelia.

_It had been a beautiful summer’s day. It made stepping out of his room just a little bit easier. He had been warned in advance that Miss America herself would be visiting this time around, not just her naval commanders. He had heard many tales about the gregarious young woman, but even so, he was still taken aback by her unabashed youthfulness._

_She practically flew from her boat, Victorian skirts fluttering about in the breeze. “Japan~! At last!”_

_He wasn’t sure if she was calling him by name or simply declaring that she had finally arrived at her destination._

_Arthur had mentioned that Amelia had no sense of decorum, and it showed in her enthusiastic introduction. “It’s so great to finally meet you!” Her smile was as big as the sun behind her head, shining off her golden curls and making her look like an angel in a westerner’s masterpiece. She grasped his hand and shook it vigorously, hard enough to startle him. “I’m America, but you can call me Amelia! Let’s be friends!”_

_It had taken many more subsequent visits for Kiku to get used to her. She always put him on edge, but Amelia reintroduced him to the world. She brought him games to play, taught him new superstitions, and seemed to make it her personal challenge to make him laugh, though she often settled for just a gentle smile._

_Amelia took an interest in his culture too. Everything he showed her seemed to mesmerize her, from temples to board games to food (especially) and dress. She was still so young, so eager to learn and experience new things. She befuddled him at times, but she looked particularly pretty in the pink yukata he had gifted her for her birthday that summer and her joy at having received it had made it worth the effort of acquiring her measurements through covert means._

_When he asked if he could get along well with others, she had considered him seriously, smiled like a mischievous spirit, and then broke into a wide, uniquely American grin. “I like you, Kiku!”_

_Everything had been perfect in that moment. The cherry blossoms danced in the wind and the sun continued to bathe her in warm light, that warmth radiating outward towards him. He could feel her positivity in the air. He would etch this moment deep into his memory until he could find a way to capture it._

_“And if I like you, I’m sure the rest of the world will too! No doubt about it! You’ll make lots of friends!”_

Shortly after that, Amelia had been torn apart by her first civil war. When he saw her again, something had changed. She wasn’t the same girl anymore. A piece of her innocence had been chipped away.

This was the natural order of things. It was to be expected of nations. They get older and they learn not to be so optimistic. They learn to expect betrayal.

Kiku had made friends. Those friends weren’t getting along with Amelia’s. She knew this was a possibility.

Even so, the look on her face when she spies him across the flaming water is a thing of nightmares. He’d never seen Amelia look so angry, so crazed. She looked every bit a dragon goddess awoken from her deep slumber, thirsty for revenge.

She screamed something at him. He couldn’t make it out, but the way she carved her thumb across her neck left no room for interpretation.

_“You will regret this! This day is a date which will live in infamy! I swear to you, I will end you and you will rue the day you dared to hurt my people!”_

* * *

He thoroughly underestimates her.

It’s not just her size, her military might, or her resources that make America such a capable foe. Amelia is imaginative. She’s creative. She’s bright. She manages to beat Germany in the race to build a weapon so massive, so destructive, he will suffer the scars of her revenge forever.

It’s a pain unlike Kiku has ever felt before and it makes him terribly ill. He can’t go on. The war ends as swiftly as it started.

He can’t be there to formally surrender to her. He’s too ill, but it doesn’t stop the she-beast from finding him. She wants him to apologize to her, to beg for mercy, to admit that he never should have even dreamt of taking her on.

And yet, as soon as she forces her way into his room, she pales. Kiku is laying in his futon on his back, but no position is comfortable. The wounds go all the way through. He convulses, disgracefully vomits all over himself, but can’t find the strength to roll over and make sure he doesn’t drown in his own stomach acid.

Amelia watches him for a moment. When she realizes he’s too weak and too frail to even stop himself from suffocating on his own bile, she leaps to his bedside and begins to clean him up.

He’s never felt like such a pathetic disgrace.

They say nothing, even as America helps herself to ogling his wounded body, examining him like a test subject. He can’t even bring himself to glare at her. She cleans him, changes his clothes, and leaves a glass of water at his bedside before leaving. Kiku doesn’t expect her to come back.

In the brief amount of time he’s awake, he waits for the Allies to decide how to split him up. He wonders what new tortures Russia will invent just for his sake, and decides it’s better to sleep until called upon. His troubled mind and body both need the rest.

* * *

Amelia comes again the next day. They don’t speak. She nurses him in silence and he lets her.

It’s the same the following day. Then the same the entire next week. By the time their pattern has carried on for a month, he has to ask, “What is the decision?”

She knows exactly what he means. “I’m going to take care of you,” is her simplistic answer. “You’ll pay me back, of course, but I’m here to help.”

He would offer her a rare laugh if it didn’t hurt to breathe. She’s preparing the basins for another sponge bath, as if he didn’t already feel like an old man left to die in a nursing home. “And?”

Amelia’s face holds none of the joy that it used to have when she spoke to him. Another piece of her innocence was chipped away and this time it was his fault. She’d never been attacked like that before, and she’d never attacked anyone so violently in turn. It does things to a person. Guilt coils in his stomach and he recognizes she must be feeling much of the same. She’s here because she pities him.

“And what?” He hates how expressionless she is now. Who gave her the right to look so defeated? He’s the one who lost.

“The others. What are they getting out of this?” he rasps, his voice still weak.

Amelia looks tired, but she still moves his body as if it’s nothing but a doll’s, wiping him down and keeping him clean like any practiced nurse in a veteran’s hospital. He would usually balk at the thought of a woman like her seeing him naked, but Kiku knows that she only sees the injuries she gave him. Is he even a man in her eyes at all anymore? He wonders if she sports her own scars from his initial attack. She must, but Amelia makes it a point to keep her body hidden from him. Fleetingly, he wishes she would wear her pink yukata again, but he pushes the thought from his mind.

“I told them you’re my responsibility,” she finally answers, massaging his leg with the washcloth as she continues to treat him. “They wanted to split you up like they did Germany. I wouldn’t allow it. You were my enemy.”

He lets out a small breath of air. It’s as close as he can get to a laugh. ...“I’m...sorry that this is how it turned out…”

Amelia’s hand finds his. “Me too.”

It’s the slight squeeze she gives him that tells him there’s still hope.

* * *

Kiku had expected the occupation to be long and difficult, but Amelia’s skills for healing are just as apt as her skills for destruction when she applies herself to the task. He had assumed he was headed for his grave, but hardly five years later, he is able to walk on his own again.

“Japan, you’re doing amazing!” Amelia marvels at him in a way that makes him feel childish, but at least it’s better than feeling old. More importantly, she is smiling again, new comic books she brought for him to read slipping from her hands as she wildly congratulates him on his progress. “I don’t even think you need me anymore!”

He isn’t sure if that’s quite true. He might be able to stand on his own, but he hates to think of what Ivan would do to him if Amelia wasn’t constantly fighting back against his every advance. Kiku doesn’t delude himself into thinking he’s special. Amelia is the world’s heroine. Wherever communism threatens to pop up, she follows. It’s what’s taken her away from him more and more lately. Is it odd he misses her company?

Kiku hisses through his teeth, a distinctly Japanese trait Amelia has come to understand. He doesn’t want to disagree with her outright, but he’s uneasy.

“I think we should be friends again, Kiku,” Amelia clarifies. “I’m not going to abandon you...I just think...Well...Wouldn’t it be nice to be equals again? The way it was before?”

“America-san, people can’t go back to how it was before…” Her youth is at times both adorable and frustrating. “We can’t take back what we did to each other.”

He can see her face fall. He knows that the entirety of it still bothers her. He’s seen her people debate whether her actions were justified and he knows she continues to struggle with the guilt. Kiku doesn’t let her see the wounds anymore.

“But...I still want to be friends...I really like you, Kiku.” She shouldn’t say that with such a sad face. He doesn’t like it. It’s wrong. This isn’t the Amelia he wants to remember.

“Then let’s be better friends than we were before.” He offers her his pinky. “You do this at your place too, right?”

Amelia is bewildered. This doesn’t seem like Kiku at all, but his small smile makes her quick to wrap her pinky around his. “Let’s promise to be best friends from now on, Kiku!”

He doesn’t expect much to come from such a bold declaration, but as long as Amelia continues to smile at him like that, he’ll agree to just about anything. This is the only face he wants to see her making from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a bit of research went into this chapter. A few of the main points...
> 
> 1\. American isolationism--Roosevelt wanted to get involved with WWII earlier, but it was super unpopular at home.  
2\. Appeasement strategy--France and England basically kept telling Germany they could have whatever they wanted, but that was it! Last time! Like frustrated parents telling their kids they could spend five more minutes watching TV if they stopped hitting their brother, but as soon as they got their five minutes, they went right back to doing it. Needless to say, this didn't work out in the long run.  
3\. Kiku and Amelia meet in the summer--Specifically, July 29th, 1858. This is when the Harris Treaty was signed by the United States and Japan. Yes, Perry had been there earlier, but this was more official and led to the exchange of diplomats and the establishment of an embassy, etc.  
4\. Amelia takes care of Japan--Originally, the plan was to split up Japan the same way the Allies split up Germany, but Truman didn't trust the Soviet Union and Japan ended up being occupied solely by the US. General Douglas MacArthur was put in charge of the occupation and focused mainly on making sure Japanese people weren't assaulted or starved. He put a lot of effort into making sure the people could eat and from there focused on making sure the economy could recover. Approximately six years after the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the San Francisco Treaty was signed that put the United States and Japan on equal footing again as nations, ending the occupation and restoring sovereignty.  
5\. Superman--a shout out to this boy who was created in 1938. 
> 
> There might be a few other notes I've forgotten about--I do a lot of research pretty much as I write, so sometimes I forget minor details I've slipped in. That's the fun of reading Hetalia fanfiction though, right?
> 
> Next chapter will focus on exes who just don't know when to shut up (*cough cough Cold war*). Thanks to all the lovely reviewers who have popped up recently! I'm glad there are a few of you enjoying this little passion project of mine!


	5. The Kitchen Debate, Honorifics, and Pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia considers that one ex of hers again for a brief moment. Events at home remind her that she's in charge of who she is and what her legacy will be. Kiku watches it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated: Nov. 2 2019
> 
> After seeing more posts on tumblr about how homophobic it is to change a character's gender while keeping the other's the same, I want to take the opportunity to remind everyone that changing a gender can change a dynamic, that bisexual and pansexual people exist, and that this work was a passion project of mine; I wanted to focus on what it would be like if in a world of men, the last remaining superpower was a female. 
> 
> In light of that and given that we're making our way into the sixties, is it any surprise that the discussion of women's sexual liberation would make its way in? 
> 
> And for anyone offended by Russia's Bad Guy status in this fic, I hope you know that I'm a multishipper who considered turning this fic into a RusAme endgame at multiple points in time. Russia is an interesting character because you can play him a lot of different ways, and unfortunately for Russia lovers, I really leaned into his insanity here.

Every time Amelia sees Elizabeta at these UN meetings, she can’t help but let her mind wander back to her first militaristic mentor. Even after the wars they had fought against each other, she remembers the Prussian man fondly.

_ “Are you sure you’re alright with this arrangement?” Amelia asks him as Ludwig is escorted from the room, having just said his final goodbyes to his brother. _

_ He places a cigarette between his teeth, one of the small kindnesses they’ve allowed him. “You know I don’t have a choice and part of that’s your fault. Don’t go looking so sad, kid, especially when you’re the victor. Makes you seem soft,” Gilbert replies sharply, lighting up. He takes a deep drag and exhales. “Better the awesome me than him. I can handle it. You’d do anything to keep your brother from suffering, right?” _

_ Gilbert is one of the few people that seems to remember Matthew. As battle-crazy as people tend to label him, Amelia knows that above all else, he’s a family man. “You lose either way in this, don’t you?” _

_ Prussia jerks his cigarette towards her. “Bingo. You always were a bright kid. I don’t want Elizabeta alone with that creep.” He gets to keep his brother safe and can do his best to shield the woman he loves from whatever they’re about to endure living under Russia’s sphere of influence. _

_ “You were her jailer though. Do you really think she’ll ever be able to rely on you?” It’s a question she’s always wanted to ask ever since she began to experience her own heartaches. Gilbert and Elizabeta have squared off many times in the past. Even now, they fight like cats and dogs. How can he still speak so fondly of her? _

_ “Things aren’t black and white with us, Amelia. Sure, we fight, but what couple that’s been together for hundreds of years doesn’t? I mean, it was pretty lame of her to go and marry that prissy aristocrat, but sometimes it’s like that.” Something tells her it’s more complicated than he’s letting on. Amelia isn’t sure that Elizabeta never loved Roderich. She isn’t sure if that’s something Gilbert can handle facing and decides not to kick the man while he’s down. “I was her jailer, yeah. Better me than someone else.” _

_ America is oddly quiet. Gilbert takes another drag and tries to puzzle out what she’s thinking. _

_ “So you and Elizabeta...” she begins slowly, “Do you ever think that me and Ivan--?” _

_ “No, Amelia,” he’s quick to cut her off. “Stop right there. What happened between you and that psycho isn’t even close to what’s between us. I love that pain in my ass and we understand each other. In a perfect world, we would never have to fight for our lives the way we do. Russia isn’t capable of loving anyone without violence. You aren’t a person for him to love. You’re a conquest--the greatest challenge. Once he has you, he’ll destroy you.” _

_ Amelia can finally see that Gilbert is shaking. He’s frightened. A chill goes down her spine. _

_ “He’s your ex for a reason.” _

_ “Only because he’s suffering from some sort of mental illness! If I could just help fix him--!” _

_ “There is no fixing someone who doesn’t want help!” Gilbert coughs and covers his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to catch his breath. “Kid, I like you. I’m warning you right now. Russia’s mental instability is not your responsibility. You can’t fix crazy with love. His final act of love for you was leaving you. It might have been the last sane thought he had. The Russian Empire is never coming back.” _

Even if the Ivan she fell in love with did return, Amelia isn’t certain he ever loved her. Prussia’s words had been pitying, catering to the young girl who had been enthralled by her first romance. She isn’t that little girl anymore though. 

Ivan is her enemy. That’s all there is to it. Elizabeta is at this meeting, sporting a swollen eye she can’t quite cover up with makeup (a result of her crushed uprising and a warning to the others, no doubt), but Gilbert is noticeably absent. He has yet to join the UN. Amelia bites her lip and can’t help but wonder if Gilbert’s injuries are too horrific to be on display at a world conference like this. 

“America-san. Shall we go for dinner after the next break?” 

Amelia smiles at her friend. Kiku is continuing to recover and though she doesn’t spend as much time with him anymore, it’s comforting to know he actively seeks her out for her company. 

“Sure, buddy! It’s so great having you as a member of the UN these days~!” She pulls on her bomber jacket, eager to utilize this break for some fresh air and a desperately needed smoke. Kiku’s lungs still can’t handle the burn of a cigarette, but Amelia finds herself needing it more and more these days. “I’ll find you after the next round of talks.” 

Kiku nods his head and Amelia fingers the box of cigarettes in her jacket, trying to push the thought of warfare from her mind. All she seems to do is fight wars these days. Arthur had been right. She can’t be an isolationist anymore. The world needs a heroine. 

But damn is she tired sometimes. 

Amelia finds herself a hiding spot outside around the corner of the building. Mercifully, she’s alone for a few moments out of her very busy schedule, but as always, it doesn’t last long. 

She recognizes his shadow creeping up on her. Amelia doesn’t need to turn her head to know who it is. 

“May I join you?”

“I’d rather you don’t,” she replies coolly, but the sound of his lighter says he’s going to disregard her wishes anyway. _ Prick _. 

“That is awfully undiplomatic of you, America.” 

“Blow me, jackass,” she says as she exhales another rush of smoke, not even bothering to feign friendliness. She has no intention of being polite to him after how he’s treated her. 

“How charming~! You pick that up from your soldier friends? I assume you have many, walking around in such short skirts.” 

Amelia finally puts out her cigarette and gives him a glare. “What’s it to you who I spend my time with?” 

“Come now, Amelia.” She hates that. It makes her feel like a child again and Russia no longer has the right to refer to her by her human name. “It is being difficult to see you going around with others the way you do. Do not tell me you do not get jealous sometimes too, yes?”

“What’s there to be jealous of?” she scoffs, sticking her hands in her jacket pocket. It’s time to head back if he’s just going to put her in a sour mood. 

“True, I am not whoring myself out the way you do.” Russia just loves to make remarks on her sex, as if she uses it as frequently as any other weapon in her arsenal. It pisses her off that he tends to chalk up her achievements to her gender or to special treatment that the others give her. 

She hasn’t had the time to sleep with anyone, and even if she did, she would never be able to shake the pressure of her job or status. She doesn’t want anyone to sleep with her just because she’s America and they hope to gain something from it. She doesn’t want anyone to talk about anything other than what she’s doing for the world. Her love life can’t become the newest hot gossip. There’s too much at stake here.

“You fought me on the Berlin airlift...Germany appreciated that, yes~? And do not be thinking I do not notice how cozy you and Japan are.”

Amelia faces him fully, her fists clenched and her eyes narrowed. “Who I choose to spend my time with is none of your concern, Russia!” She wants to shout at him that she’s not sleeping with anyone, that Ludwig is so obviously gay and in love with Feliciano she’d never have a chance, and that Kiku is a dear friend of hers who has seen her at her best and her worst and still wants her around. Ivan can’t comprehend any of that though. 

“It is my concern. You are mine. One day, you and I will be one,” he reminds her, a sickeningly sweet smile still on his face. 

Amelia’s first punch is easy to read and he catches her wrist neatly in his grasp, but it’s merely a distraction so her large head can come up from beneath him and shatter his jaw like an uppercut.

Ivan releases her and reels back, but she knows they’re not done. His fist misses her face and connects with the side of the building, cracking the yellow-painted brick. Amelia tosses her jacket aside. 

“I don’t belong to anyone! I belong to myself!” she declares, rolling out of his reach as quick as a cat. She feigns left, pulls a punch, and then delivers a kick to his face that he just barely manages to block. 

They scrap for what feels like an eternity, but in reality it only lasts about a minute at the most. Both are spent, having used up all their energy in that burst, but at this moment in time, Ivan is stronger. He has her pinned, but Amelia is nothing but defiant, squirming and wriggling in his grasp. 

“I like you like this. It was fun, yes~? But this is where you belong, solnishko.” She freezes at the sound of that old pet name, wide blue eyes staring up into his face. “You missed me~! I know you did. And I missed you…” 

The way he looks at her makes her feel hot. There’s something about the combination of adrenaline, hatred, confusion, and even the fear that translates to arousal. Maybe it comes from her lack of physical contact with anyone else in years or the fact that Ivan is the only one strong enough to challenge her. Either way, she’s suddenly very aware that the heat is starting to pool between her legs. 

She can hear someone calling her name in the distance. Ivan’s weight retreats from her. “We play later, yes~?” 

Amelia is oddly quiet for the remaining duration of the meeting. She has dinner with Japan, and she thinks her brother is there too, but her mind is elsewhere. 

* * *

When it is later, when most of the other nations have turned in for the night, when the moon is high in the sky above, she finds him. 

“It’s just sex,” she says as he opens the door to his suite. 

“Of course it is,” he lies, pulling her into his web by the small of her back. 

It’s better than she remembers. Or is that just her experience talking? Amelia doesn’t simply lay back and take it. They fight each other to be on top, but no matter who wins, it always ends in satisfaction. It’s addictive. Amelia knows what she likes and takes what she wants. It doesn’t always wait until they can make it back to their rooms. 

Kiku is an unfortunate witness one day. The door to the empty conference room had been left ajar by ‘accident’. Neither Russia nor America are particularly good at keeping quiet, but Japan has a tendency to move like a cat. 

When he finds them, he covers his mouth with his hand, eyes wide and scandalized. Worse yet, Ivan’s eyes find his own. He doesn’t stop thrusting into his friend, and instead smiles at the island nation before putting a hand around Amelia’s neck and choking her. 

That gets her to open her eyes. She sees him. “Kiku!” Ivan doesn’t like that. “AGH!” 

* * *

Amelia is pissed. He didn’t stop. He finished inside her and failed to use a condom. There are so many reasons for her to be angry right now, but continuing to fuck her in plain view of her friend is what’s most embarrassing presently. 

“Now he will stop pestering you, solnishko. Your needs are being met. Your plate is full. This world revolves around us,” he reminds her, and she bats his hand away. Kiku had run from her view as quick as his legs could carry him. 

“It’s just sex!” she reminds Ivan, pulling up her skirt. “Fucking stop finishing inside me! Use a condom! It’s less of a mess!” 

“But it is not feeling as good that way,” he complains with a pout, and Amelia rolls her eyes. “I like filling you up. It is what your body needs.” 

Amelia gags. “Gross. Well, I’ll tell you what, I think I’ve had my fill for awhile.” 

Ivan frowns, but they’ve been at this for nearly a year now. He’s fairly certain he’s played his part. Amelia will come back to him if his calculations are correct. 

“How is Alaska doing?” he asks her as she finishes cleaning herself up. 

“Um. Fine, you weirdo.” She gives him a look. “Our business with Alaska finished nearly a century ago. What’s it to you that it’s becoming a state?” 

“Oh, nothing~!” 

Amelia highly doubts that. 

* * *

“You’ve been throwing up a lot lately, America-san…” Kiku is wants to scream behind his hands. He may not look phased, but after his own encounter with Russia, he’s been terrified that this would come to pass. 

_ “Stay away from America.” _

_ “I’m sorry?” _

_ “Do not be playing dumb with me. America is mine. She will submit to me soon.” _

_ Kiku finds that hard to believe, but he’s reluctant to disagree with Russia outright, especially when he’s caught him alone like this. “I do not think that is something that America-san wants. I know that you two are involved, but your feelings may be misplaced…” _

_ He never wanted to talk to Amelia about her sex life ever again. It had been both mortifying and a little disheartening. He wasn’t quite sure he believed her when she said it was just sex, but she was adamant that Russia was her enemy and Ivan was a bastard she’d never fall in love with ever again. The entire conversation had made him extremely uncomfortable, but it paled in comparison to what Russia was telling him now. _

_ He hates the way he giggles. “She is with my child, obviously~! I have been working very hard to make this happen! When her bosses find out, they will make her do the right thing. Family has to stay together, yes~? Wives listen to their husbands. It is shame that females are so weak. If she were a man, she would not have given in to her baby-making instincts so easily~! Do you not agree?” _

_ He doesn’t. He feels faint. He hasn’t recovered enough for this. “But...even the female nations have trouble conceiving...You can’t know that she’ll get pregnant.” Even if she did, that would carry grave consequences. In the few recorded cases they have of a female country getting pregnant, the results rarely indicated both mother and child survived. Typically, one cannot exist while the other survives. Is this Ivan’s way of killing Amelia? _

_ “True, but America’s greedy, capitalist desire has given her the...how shall we say...' _real estate_' required to be having a child. I think Alaska will do quite nicely~! She is trying to make it her 49th state.” He seriously planned all this out in advance? _

_ “You’re sick,” Kiku can’t help but utter, trying to be brave. He’s defeated Russia by himself before, and this time he isn’t alone. He’s under Amelia’s protection. “...How can you be certain that she will not carry a personification of Hawaii? It is also being considered.” _

_ He realizes his mistake. Ivan’s eyes flashed dangerously. _

_ “I always knew she was dirty, but I will make her clean again. I do not care what the price is. I will be the one who is there when her heart stops beating, when her last breath is being taken away...when we are alone and get just a little too carried away...Leave us to our business and we’ll leave you alone.” _

_ “She’s not a toy!” _

_ “You’re all just toys. She’s just the most interesting one right now.” _

“Yeah…” Amelia reaches for the glass of water he’s brought her. “Ugh. Sorry...I don’t know what’s with me…” 

“Have you considered taking a pregnancy test?” 

She gives him a look. “Why the hell would I do that?” 

Kiku hasn’t been sure how to approach the American girl about this. Amelia’s always been free-spirited, but her sexual liaisons with a man feared the world over is a topic he doesn’t relish to even scratch the surface of. “Well…” 

He can’t just let her suffer like this. Amelia is his friend. Sure, maybe she hasn’t made the brightest move by deciding to sleep with her enemy, but he doesn’t want to see her punished eternally for it. 

So he tells her everything and watches as her eyes grow wide, her jaw slowly coming unhinged, her eyebrows furrowing. 

He can tell she is brewing with rage. He’s been on the receiving end of that face before and he’s relieved that he isn’t the one it’s directed at this time. 

It will come to be known as the Kitchen Debate. Officially, it is a series of impromptu exchanges through interpreters between U.S. Vice President Richard Nixon and Soviet First Secretary Nikita Khrushchev at the opening of the American National Exhibition at Sokolniki Park in Moscow on July 24, 1959. Unofficially, it is Amelia’s reaming of Ivan’s plan to impregnate her and force her to conform to gender norms or destroy herself, thereby allowing him to win the Cold War. 

“Solnishko, think of the baby!” 

_ What _ baby?!” she shrieks, tearing the kitchen sink from the wall and launching it at his head. “This is my body! It belongs to me! _ I’m not having a fucking baby!” _

* * *

The speed at which the first oral contraceptive is given FDA approval is impressive. Amelia, uncertain of how exactly they’ll impact her body, swallows an entire pack. It’s definitely not doctor recommended, and she’s in great pain for the next three days, but the vomiting eventually ceases and the horror of Ivan’s deception is stopped in its tracks.

Needless to say, she won’t be touching him again anytime soon unless it’s with her fist or her foot, and even then that seems like too much contact. The Cold War is about to get very cold indeed. 

“Can you imagine if anyone forced me to be a mother?” Amelia asks Kiku one night, a week after her oral abortion. It’s easier to be with someone than be alone right now. Kiku has been with her through this. She feels she can tell him anything, especially when they’re sharing a kotatsu and playing cards. “I’d be terrible at it.” 

He had considered it. It was a scary thought. “Anytime you decide to do something half-assed, you’re terrible at it.” 

“Hey…!” 

“You’re very good at everything you apply yourself to. But if you have no interest in something, you deem it unworthy of your time and effort.” Amelia blinks. Maybe Kiku really does know her. She hadn't realized he'd been paying such close attention all these years. “If you don’t want to be a mother, you won’t be any good at it. But if you do want to be a parent, then I think…” 

He sighs. He doesn’t want to encourage this, but Amelia is starting to smile at him. “Say it.” 

“No.” 

“Kiku!” 

“So familiar…” He’s only recently started to scold her about her lack of honorifics, especially when they’re in his home. 

“Ki-ku-kun~!” she sings, and it’s her understanding of his culture that almost frustrates him all the more. America is smart. She understands honorifics, but she actively chooses to disregard them. Even so, calling him by his first name is still a bit too familiar. Hearing the ‘kun’ added makes his cheeks warm. 

“America-san.” 

Amelia pouts. “Why don’t you ever call me by my human name? And what’s with the ‘san’? Am I not cute enough to be a ‘chan’?” 

“Definitely not.” 

“That’s mean!” Amelia lets her hand of cards falls to the table, the game forgotten as she leans over the kotatsu to scrutinize him. “Come on. Why don’t you ever call me Amelia?” 

Kiku sucks on his cheek. He has his reasons. 

“You call Feliciano by his name, don’t you?” 

“I use a nickname. His name is too long.” It’s an easy excuse. He won’t meet her eyes now. 

“Why don’t you use my name?” 

“...You’ll make fun of the way I say it.” 

“No, I won’t!” she lies. They both know she’s lying. “I promise!” 

Kiku sighs. “...Ameeriya…” The obnoxious laughter is swift. “I knew you were going to make fun of me!” 

“Okay, okay…!” She’s still laughing, but once she can finally catch her breath, she hums thoughtfully. “What if you called me Ami-chan?” 

“...I suppose that could work…” 

“Say it.” 

“What’s with you and wanting me to say things?” 

“I like hearing your voice call my name~!” She’s annoyingly cute. “Say my name, Kiku-kun~!” 

If it will get her to shut up already. “Ami-chan, stop rocking back and forth...you’re disturbing Pochi-kun.” 

“Nah, we’re best buds~!” His traitorous man’s best friend yips in agreement. Amelia has a talent for getting along with dogs and cats alike. Arthur told him she was quite friendly with a stray bison at one point. “Thank you though, Kiku...I’m really glad that you and I are friends.” 

Strangely enough, so is he. “Didn’t you bring over more comic books? I have the latest Astro Boys right here.” 

“Ah, sweet! Wanna ignore each other and catch up?” Kiku is one of the few people Amelia can sit in comfortable silence with. He’s grateful for any silence at all, but it’s nice seeing America’s quiet and gentle side. It’s nice to remember she’s capable of that. 

Gilbert had been right about Ivan, but in all her years of acquiring advice both solicited and unsolicited alike, she had never heard anyone mention the importance of real friendship. Amelia spent time with Kiku because she enjoyed being with him. They had shared interests. When they were together, they were like two normal people, their responsibilities as nations temporarily forgotten. 

Kiku sees her for who she is, not what she pretends to be or what others want to see in her. Miraculously, he seems to like her anyway. 

There’s nowhere else and no one else she’d rather waste her time with, and for once, it seems like her partner is on the same page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, plenty of historical little easter eggs. 
> 
> A few mentioned...
> 
> 1\. Elizabeta's uprising: In 1956, Hungary had an uprising against communist rule that was subsequently crushed by Soviet forces. East Germany had a similar uprising in 1953. Weirdly enough, Hungary was a part of the UN. The GDR was not and would not be included until the 70s.  
2\. Berlin airlift: the Americans weren't going to let the Soviets starve the German people and decided to airlift care packages to them. Australia joined in too, but that wasn't relevant here.  
3\. States: Alaska and Hawaii both joined the Union in 1959. Alaska came first, then Hawaii in August.  
4\. The Kitchen Debate: Explained in the chapter. Given the timing with Alaska joining the Union, I really couldn't help but imagine a very anti-housewife Amelia rejecting being sent back to the kitchen. This girl isn't here for your gender roles.  
5\. Better yet, the first oral contraceptive approved by the FDA rolls out in 1960. This timing is just too perfect. Oral contraceptives can also be used in abortions. DO NOT SWALLOW AN ENTIRE PACK LIKE AMELIA. I just want to put that out there right now. She's technically an immortal being. You are not.  
6\. Astro Boy: he was in print around this time. OG manga protag. 
> 
> If you haven't guessed that this was going to end with Ameripan, you can probably tell now. The two will finally get some real romance in the final chapter/epilogue which will be written in a slightly different style. 
> 
> Thanks for everyone who has stuck with this self-indulgent story thus far. I had this idea when I was a teenager, but I'm in my twenties now and I've learned a lot of these lessons the hard way. The final chapter will explicitly state all of them.


	6. Growth Doesn't End With Disney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiku and Amelia muddle through a friendship everyone mistakes for a relationship until Kiku decides to play ball. Amelia struggles to balance her professionalism and her personal life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains references to 9/11 and Donald Trump. Particularly when it comes to 9/11, I watched a lot of footage to try to be respectful of the tragedy, and it moved me to absolute tears. Typically, I try to stay away from events that happened in the 21st century, but in terms of America's growth, it felt necessary to bring up. As for Trump, if you haven't caught on that this piece is written by a feminist, then you may not like what this fic has to say about the current president and you've been warned now. Again, usually these are topics that I refuse to touch when it comes to Hetalia, but it would be remiss not to mention them in this context. 
> 
> Why did this take so long for an update?  
Because it's a monster. It's practically half the length of the rest of the fic! But that's what you get when you want to shamelessly cram a bunch of OTP daydreams into a single chapter. Honestly, I feel like all the Ameripan moments could be collected into a oneshot, and I'll probably do a bit of reposting in that sense so it's condensed for Ameripan fans. 
> 
> Please enjoy what is mostly Kiku pining and song inserts. Dear You's piano instrumental was practically the only song I listened to while writing this chapter.  
Songs:  
You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift covered by Manny Garcia (look him up on Youtube)  
Dear You from Higurashi covered by Mocha Vampire

It’s a new century, and Amelia is shining with renewed hopes and dreams. 

She’s the last superpower left and Kiku is oddly proud of his best friend. She’s still so youthful and vigorous. When Amelia smiles, he thinks he understands Nick Caraway’s obsession with Jay Gatsby. 

She shared that rare smile that came “with a quality of eternal reassurance in it” and “an irresistible prejudice in your favor”. 

_ “Did you like it, Kiku? That’s one of my favorites!” _

Her influence is all over the novel. It’s quintessentially her and he wonders briefly if she met the author, even from across a crowded bar. Amelia was like that. You don't need a formal introduction to become aware of her presence, nor did she need to speak a word to you to be charmed. 

“How troublesome…” he murmurs under his breath, causing Ludwig to turn and look at him in the middle of the meeting they’re in. It’s not like the Japanese man to be unfocused, especially when Amelia is speaking. For a moment, Germany is questioning whether Japan is about to disagree with the United States--something he rarely does. 

But then there’s the typical refrain of, “I agree with America-san.” 

“Hell yeah, buddy!” 

And Switzerland, right on time with, “Man up, or I’ll beat you with my peace prize!” 

Ludwig would normally call the meeting to order, but there’s something odd happening here he can’t quite put his finger on. 

“Germany, Germany~!” Feliciano begins to fuss and play with his hands. “What do you think? I’ll agree with you! Let’s vote together, okay~? Ah, I’m really hungry…Let’s all go get something delicious after! You’ll come too, right, Japan?” 

“As long as you’re not going on another date,” Kiku says with a small smile, but Ludwig knows their friend is still a bit peeved about sitting through another third-wheel session. He’s happy for his friends, but one can only watch them be lovey-dovey for so long before getting bored or feeling some other sort of annoying emotion. 

He senses her before she announces herself. The meeting is over. He figured she would come for him. She had alluded to this moment last night in texts. 

“Surprise Attack! Chains of Love~!” Amelia pounces from the rear, but Kiku is prepared for her. 

“Counter Attack!” He announces as he turns around to catch her in his arms. “Catch of the Ninja!” 

Ludwig isn’t sure what’s happening right now, but the pair are still locked in what is most definitely a hug. 

“No fair! Your attack name is totally lame! Catch of the Ninja?” Amelia whines, pulling away just a bit, but Kiku’s hands are still on her waist and she’s holding him by the shoulders, giving him her best pout. “Couldn’t you have come up with something cooler?” 

“I used my ninja senses! What are you complaining about? I thought you thought ninjas were cool?” 

Feliciano leans closer to his boyfriend. Ludwig notices with a bit of amusement he’s opened his eyes and is focusing on the pair as his arm tightens around his lover's bicep. “Hey...Germany, do you think this looks a bit…?” 

“Familiar.” The say it at the same time, staring at Japan and America as Amelia goes in for another real hug and Kiku does nothing to stop her. The couple exchange a glance. 

_ Interesting..._

Feliciano has a smirk on his face before anyone can clarify the situation. Ludwig just looks a bit amused, though he thought Kiku would tell them after all this time. 

“Congratulations, you two! I’m so happy for Japan! And America too, but Japan and I go way back, you know~?” 

“Hm? What are you congratulating us on?” Amelia smiles and cocks her head at him. She’s always doing something amazing. Maybe a joint project of theirs is getting some recognition? They have a lot of those. 

Kiku is equally confused, especially as Feliciano slings an arm over his shoulder. This is far too much touching for him, but he’ll allow it for a brief period of time. “Well? Let’s go on a double date and you can tell me all about your romance over a big bowl of pasta~!” 

“Our what?” Kiku isn’t sure why his face feels so hot all of a sudden. It must be the extra bodies. He’s quick to shove both of his friends away. “Stop talking nonsense! America and I aren’t in a relationship!” 

“We aren’t?” There’s that pout again. She’s teasing him. She must be. Amelia would never consider him like that. 

“Of course not. Don’t egg them on, please. You’re just going to start rumors.” 

Amelia stares at him for a second and then breaks into a wide smile again. “Ah, you’re right~! Sorry, sorry, I’m so used to rumors about me, but I wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation.” 

The familiarity of this tension is a bit too much for Ludwig to handle. He has to look away. It's second-hand embarrassment. 

“Say, I just remembered I’m supposed to check in with my boss. He’ll be pretty peeved if I put it off until the end of the day. Why don’t you guys go on without me?” 

“Eeeeh? Are you sure, Amelia?” Feliciano frowns and shares another glance with Ludwig. 

“Totally! Besides, you guys are old pals. You don’t need a chick crashing your guy time.” Kiku would protest that her gender has never been a blight on their time together, but he feels as though he shouldn’t say anything at all presently. He wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable by pushing her to join them, no matter how disappointed he might be. 

“You should get your work done,” he adds, encouraging her to do her best in her position. “Stop slacking.” 

Ludwig nods in agreement until he notices the horrified look on Feliciano's face. Dedication to one's work is a fine trait, but it's not exactly romantic. 

“Haha~! Jeez, okay! I get it! You boys have fun, alright~? Later!” Amelia shoves her hands into her bomber jacket and turns on her heel, retreating deeper into the conference hall. 

As soon as she’s out of earshot, Feliciano grabs Kiku. As a true Italian man, he can't let what just happened stand! “What the heck was that?! You can’t be breaking girls’ hearts that way, Kiku! It’s not fair! How could you do that to poor Amelia?! She looked so sad!” 

“What?! Why are you yelling at me?!” Kiku pushes his friend off of him for the second time that day. “She has work to do! Being a superpower is very time consuming!” 

“And you would be familiar with that workload considering you spend so much time with her.” 

“Yes. I mean--! It’s not like I’m looking at her work! I just noticed the piles of it on her desk!” 

Feliciano hums. “That’s the point though. I always know when Ludwig is busy with work or when he only has a little. That comes with living together.” 

“I spend a lot of time at America-san’s house.” 

“That’s precisely the point,” Ludwig points out. “You two spend...an exorbitant amount of time together. The way you act...It’s...I don’t…” 

“What Germany is trying to say is that you guys remind us a lot of our relationship when we were starting out!” 

“Yes, that’s it.” 

Kiku could choke on his tongue. “I don’t like America-san like that! Our friendship isn’t anything like yours!” 

“You spend all your time together. She’s the only person you don’t shove away when they touch you. You were hugging her just now,” Ludwig reminds him.

“So? I just happen to like the way that she smells.”

“So I smell bad?!” Feliciano wails, and suddenly Ludwig is giving his friend an exasperated look over his crying boyfriend’s shoulder. 

“I’m no expert here, but you might want to reexamine your feelings for America. It could save you a lot of trouble.” He would know.

“What trouble? There’s nothing to reexamine! America-san and I are just friends!” He doesn’t want his friends to encourage this idea. “I’m too old for her. I’m not her type. She’s even taller than I am. She’s loud and impulsive and I don’t act anything like that. Every day is an adventure for her and I just want to live in peace. We’re complete opposites. Incompatible.” 

“Kiku…” Feliciano stops his sniveling and turns to look at him again, leaving tear stains on Ludwig’s jacket. “If you think two people have to be completely the same to be compatible...Then you’re wrong. Love isn’t about that at all. I love Ludwig with everything I have. But we’re different. Sometimes I know that I annoy him. I’m not a good soldier and I’m lazy. I don’t clean and I like to take siestas. But he loves me anyway. Ludwig makes my life better. I think I make his better too.” 

“Your romantic side again…” Ludwig sighs wistfully, but he doesn’t disagree. He’s looking at him fondly. Kiku wishes he could hate them for it. 

“If Amelia makes your life better...If things are brighter just because she’s around...If you get really happy when you see her and you just want to talk to her just because she’s her…Well, then…” 

_ Don’t say it. _

“Isn’t that _ love_, Kiku?” The question hangs in the air, shattering every last bit of peace there was to be had. 

Kiku bows to the both of them. “Enjoy your date. You two are clearly in a certain mood.” He’s smiling when he stands back up, but his friends can tell they’ve done nothing but upset him. His pace as he walks away is quick, bag slung over his shoulder and an intense look in his eyes. 

“We’ll have to let him think about it,” Feliciano whispers to Ludwig. “But now he knows.”

“Agreed.” 

* * *

When Amelia’s body is attacked for the second time in a century, she is no less angry than she was after Pearl Harbor. This time, Kiku is at her side and he can see her expression. He can hear her words as clear as day.

_“Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve.”_

When the orders have been given, when the promises for vengeance have been made, when the fighter jets are flying over her home and over the Atlantic, Amelia retreats to her private residence with him, exhausted but unable to sleep.

_2,977 innocent people are dead. _

Kiku explains he needs to call his boss. She nods and puts on a kettle of tea, having already been instructed by Arthur to do so. He’s on his way. Matthew and Francoise are coming too. The entire world is concerned, but Amelia doesn’t want to see anyone but Kiku right now. She has a moment to finally just sit and process things, but she can’t face the other nations like this. She needs to keep it together. Amelia can’t afford to let her emotions get the best of her. 

_United Flight 93 passengers heard about the hijackings and tried to fight back. _

Her mistake is turning on the television.

_They crashed in Pennsylvania instead, but it saved the lives of countless other people. _

Her innocent citizens are jumping from the buildings to escape the flames and the smoke as they realize help is never going to come. They began their day like any other. They had families waiting for them to come home. They had hopes and dreams. Some of them jumped together, so they wouldn’t have to be alone. Others jumped head first, with such straight and dignified posture as they defied Death’s torment. 

_ It's the largest loss of life by a foreign attack on American soil. _

How can she not cry? 

The police and firefighters stand on the ground below, unable to do anything but watch, their faces changing as bodies hit the ground. 

It’s the sobbing that brings Kiku back to her. At first he thinks he’s misheard. He’s never actually heard Amelia cry before, but suffering is a universally human experience. At her second choked sob, he can tell she’s fighting it, but the despair is too great and soon hiccuping, hyperventilating cries greet him as he returns. 

She’s shaking as she wipes at her eyes, mumbling out garbled ‘I’m sorry’s. Kiku isn’t sure what she is apologizing for. For having emotions? For crying on one of the darkest days in her short history? 

He turns off the television as quickly as he can. She doesn’t need to watch this. He returns to her side, opens his arms, and allows Amelia to crawl into his lap. 

“All those people…!” When he looks into her eyes, he knows what she’s thinking about. Amelia cries harder when his hands tighten around her body. “Kiku, you--!” 

He understands. He’s not glad that she gets it now, if that’s even possible. Is there any way to truly process a terror and a heartache so great? He’ll let the scholars and intellectuals debate the cost of innocent human lives. In order to move forward, it’s something he can’t dwell on. None of their kind can. You have to go on for those that remain. Soldiering never stops for them.

“It’s alright, Ami...I forgave you a long time ago. You’re going to get through this.” 

Eventually, her sobs ease and she slips into a dead sleep. Kiku, hesitant to remove her from his person, instead keeps her close and joins her for a nap on the couch. 

Matthew and Arthur find them like that. Arthur’s only disapproval is the tea that’s gone cold, not a sip taken from it. 

* * *

For years, the thought of anything romantic with Amelia is brushed aside to collect cobwebs in the back of his mind. 

She’s busier than ever, and Kiku realizes he misses her terribly, even if they only go a day or two without talking. Every time he thinks to text her, he stops himself. Amelia is busy. She doesn’t care about the newest anime lineup. She doesn’t care that he found new Kit-Kat flavors at the store. She probably hasn't noticed Resident Evil is getting a remake. Why would anyone care about that sort of thing?

Except she does. Whenever she sees him, there’s so much to talk about. There’s never a moment of silence, but he needs that break from time to time. 

“Sometimes I wish I lived with you so you could just tell me about your day every day instead of your last month.” It’s an innocent, whimsical thought, but it’s no less true. 

Amelia is suddenly quiet. When he gives her his full attention, she breaks into a massive grin. 

“Kiku, you’re a _ genius_!” He is? “We should totally be roomies!” 

Ludwig and Feliciano are surprisingly stony-faced when he tells them of this development. “So...You’re living together now then…” 

“Yes.” 

They’re clearly holding back. Feliciano is shifting in his seat and Ludwig is giving him a look. 

“Well. That should be a completely innocent affair free of any sexual tension.” 

"Please don't tell jokes, Germany-san. It doesn't suit you." How many times does he have to tell them that just because he _ might _ find Amelia to be a tolerable person, doesn’t mean that she has any desire to be with him in a way that’s anything beyond friendship?

Ludwig and Feliciano make bets. Feliciano wins within the week. 

* * *

Kiku isn’t sure how it happened. They were enjoying a baseball game, one of their many shared passions. Amelia had introduced him to the sport and he had taken a real liking to it, so much so that many of his favorite players from back home were now playing in the MLB. 

“Ooooh! This is my man right here~!” Amelia squeals in the stands, jumping to her feet as _Godzilla _ by Blue Oyster Cult blares through the speakers. “Sounds like something big is coming this way now!” 

Amelia has been infatuated with Hideki Matsui ever since his first time at bat in Yankees Stadium included a bases-loaded home run. What’s more heroic in baseball than that? Kiku is filled with pride as he watches a player from his home steal America’s heart as easily as he steals bases. 

The Yankees have become his favorite American team. Amelia is always in a good mood when they win, though she swears she’s just ‘rooting for the home team’. 

This is another moment he’ll remember forever. July seems to be his month. On this particular summer day, the Yankees are playing the Orioles. Everything is tied up at the bottom of the 9th, just a 1-1 game. 

_ Let him hit a home run…! _

Godzilla hears his prayers. Amelia shrieks with joy, jumping around as Matsui rounds the bases at his own pace. It’s the play of the game, but Kiku barely remembers it because Amelia is kissing him. 

It’s a hard kiss, overly aggressive just like she is. Her lips are soft and full, but she’s practically smashed their faces together; he can feel her teeth graze his in this clumsy kiss. It doesn’t matter. Amelia’s kissing him. His entire body feels like it’s on fire. 

“I fucking love Matsui! Thank you for giving him to the Yankees!” Amelia is grinning wildly, and she turns to face the crowd again to shout his praises, leaving a completely bewildered Kiku to collect his bearings. 

The Yankees win it all that year. Hideki Matsui has a .615 batting average during the World Series run, and when they win it all, Kiku is ready to collect his due. He wants another kiss, has been planning on turning Amelia’s rough smooch into a more gentle and serious expression of romantic intent. As the Yankees begin to celebrate, Amelia stands from her seat. 

_ This is it…! _

“MATSUI~! I love you!” Amelia is bounding over the fence to congratulate her favorite player. They crown him the World Series MVP. Kiku doesn’t even get another kiss. Amelia’s attention is on another Japanese man all night. 

She asks him why Matsui’s uniform is in the trash the next day. He says Ichiro Suzuki is better. 

* * *

Kiku feels as though he was up at bat and failed to get even a base hit. The World Series was a swing and a miss. He’s not going to strike out on this. He refuses. 

“What’s with that weird look on your face…?” Ludwig asks when Kiku approaches his friends at a small party Amelia has decided to throw. Something about Freedom or maybe board games. Freedom from board games, perhaps? He’s stopped trying to keep track. “Are you getting the Asian glow already? It’s still early.” 

“No, it’s not that it’s just…” How does he ask his equally awkward friend for dating advice? He managed to get together with his grinning fool. Even now, Feliciano is hanging off of Ludwig’s arm, glass of wine in hand. 

He should have just gone straight to him. Italians know the heart. “Ah, something happened between you two, huh~?” 

“H-how did you know?!” 

Feliciano clicks his tongue. “Naught, naughty, Kiku~! This is why you don’t live with girls until you’re married! Did you enjoy your sexy time at least? That must have been fun for you--!” 

Ludwig slaps a hand over his mouth. “Stop talking. _ Please. _”

“Don’t listen to that idiot,” a fourth voice interjects. “If you really want to win Amelia over, you should take advice from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.” 

It isn’t a surprise that Lovino is at Amelia’s party. He never misses them. To this day, the two have a very friendly and close relationship. Kiku had watched the two swap a few inside jokes just earlier before her eyes caught his across the room and that smile had turned to him as she raised her glass in greeting. He’d immediately looked away and missed the disappointed frown on her face. Lovino noticed it immediately. 

“I can’t stand watching the two of you anymore. It’s time that you act like a man and profess your love! Stop pulling the sniveling wimpy friend card, you bastard!” Kiku raises his hands up to defend himself, but Antonio wraps his arms around Lovino from behind and prohibits all violence. “Tch. I wasn’t going to do anything…” 

“Not after the last time Amelia scolded you for getting violent in her house, right~?” Antonio kisses his boyfriend on the cheek, making Lovino’s mouth twitch into a snarl. He still isn’t used to these grossly overt displays of public affection. “Japan, if you really want to win the heart of your beloved, there’s no better way than a tried and true serenade~!” 

“That really works?” He’s skeptical. It seems so cheesy, but the red rushing to Romano’s cheeks might offer up a testimonial. “I see…” 

“W-well! It can’t just be any song! It has to be one of her favorites! Like something by Elvis!” Lovino is quick to add, pushing Antonio’s face away from his own. 

“No,” Kiku says quickly. “That’s not Amelia’s favorite artist.” 

“Eh? Are you deaf, bastard? Yes, it is. She tells everyone all the time!” 

Kiku feels a bit of pride knowing his friend so well. “That’s what she tells people. Her actual favorite artist is Taylor Swift and has been for years.” 

The four other men consider this. “It’s so obvious when you say it out loud…” Ludwig whispers. Her ringtones cycle through various T-Swift songs depending on her mood. “Luckily, we have an expert available to show you how to express emotion through music…” 

* * *

Four grueling piano practices at the hands of Roderich later, Kiku finally has a plan. 

He waits patiently until they find themselves alone on a lazy Sunday at her Georgetown home in Washington, DC. She hasn’t used the space in some time and DC could use a bit of repair. “I’ll really have to clean this place up if I want Sasha and Malia to be comfortable…” 

Kiku can’t help but chuckle to himself as he brushes dust off of the grand piano in the salon. “Motherly of you.” 

“They’re good kids,” she says, watching him as he takes a seat on the bench. “Going to play something? It would be awesome to dust off the old keys. I need to unpack some materials in my study. Play me a loud jam!” 

He warms up with a few chords, allows Amelia to disappear down the hall, and then pauses for silence. He swallows his pride and all of his courage, willing it into this performance. 

_ “You’re on the phone with your boyfriend, he’s upset, going off about something that you said, because he doesn’t get your humor like I do…” _ His voice wavers a little, but the keys are undeniably to the tune of _ You Belong With Me _ by Taylor Swift. 

“_I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night,” _he sings, trying not to choke. _ “I’m listening to the kinda music he doesn’t like, he’ll never get your story like I do…” _

The sound of shuffling has stopped in the other room. She’s listening. He can hear her feet pattering down the hall. 

_ “But he’s 6’3’’ and I’m just 5’7’’! He’s team captain and I’m in the school band!” _Emotion. Put emotion into it, just like Roderich drilled him to. _ “Dreamin’ ‘bout the day that you’ll look up and find that what you’ve been lookin’ for has been here the whole time!” _

Make eye contact._ “If you could see that I’m the one who understands you, been here all along, so why can’t you see? You belong with me! You belong with me…” _ She’s standing in the doorway watching him, but he’s terrified of that surprised expression on her face. 

_ “Walkin’ the streets with you in your worn out jeans, I can’t help thinking this is how it’s meant to be, laughing on a park bench thinking to myself--! Hey, isn’t this easy?” _ He can feel her coming closer. He wishes he could stop, but there’s no taking this back now. Besides, she should hear this. “ _ And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town, I haven’t seen it in awhile since he brought you down...Say you fine, I know you better than that…! Hey, what you doin’ with a fool like that?” _

Kiku isn’t aware of the way his body is rocking, but Amelia is entranced by his playing. She’s not sure where all this is coming from, but it’s perhaps the most passionate she’s ever seen him play a piano cover outside of When They Cry’s _ Dear You_. 

_ “But he’s real built and I’m not too buff! He’s team captain and I’m in the news club! Dreamin’ ‘bout the day that you’ll look up and find that what you’ve been lookin’ for has been here the whole time!” _Chorus again. Amelia is leaning on the side of the piano and watching him with a big smile on her face. 

He’s going to take that as a positive sign and finish this out_. “Ooooh! I remember me drivin’ to your house in the middle of the night! I’m the one who makes you laugh, all he does is make you cry! I know your favorite songs and you tell me ‘bout your dreams, think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me…” _

Slowly now._ “Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you…? Been here all along, so why can’t you see…? You belong with me…” _There’s supposed to be more, but he’s embarrassed. He can’t finish it, not when she’s looking at him like that. He has to tell her directly.“You belong with me."

Amelia blinks. “Yes, I know the name of the song, Kiku. It’s in the chorus.” Before he can even think to correct her misinterpretation, she’s singing his praises. “That was so awesome! When the hell did you learn to play like that?! Do it more often! It’s so cool and fun! Did you want to go to karaoke or something? We can go right now! You’ve got me in the mood~!” 

While he does love karaoke, this was not the mood he was trying to set. Strike Two. 

* * *

It’s Feliciano who feels his pain most acutely. “It can be hard to get through to blondes, huh?” 

“...Hey,” Ludwig says from his spot on the couch, pouring Feliciano and Kiku each a glass of wine. 

“The problem is you went the prissy aristocrat’s route,” Gilbert criticizes from next to his brother. “You guys love karaoke, sure, but serenading Amelia? You really thought that would work? You need to look to your common interests!” 

“You gave Elizabeta a sword,” Ludwig reminds his brother.

“And she still has it!” he declares proudly. “Stabbed me right through the heart with it~!”

Ludwig is giving his brother an exasperated look. “She really did. Several times. Why are you so proud of this?” 

“See? You don’t get it because you’re not us. Japan needs to find something that only Amelia will understand.” 

It’s back to the drawing board quite literally. Amelia is his inspiration. He needs to capture her essence. 

* * *

Cherry blossoms have always been featured in romance anime, but he wants to put her in the center of that background. He draws her in that pink yukata and does his best to capture her smile even if it will be impossible to express perfectly. 

_ “I like you, Kiku!” _

However, when he shows it off to the rest of his team, they’re full of criticisms. 

“Where are the cat girls?” Greece wants to know, and Kiku promptly ignores him until he actually contributes something insightful. “You’re good at animation...Capture your relationship…” 

“Why isn’t it funny?” Gilbert asks. When Kiku asks if it’s supposed to be, he answers in the affirmative. 

“Plato’s Allegory of the Cave…” 

Kiku isn’t sure what that means exactly, but he ends up animating what he considers to be one of the best romantic comedies of this era. He hopes Amelia catches all the inside jokes he’s slipped in. He hopes she notices how similar their relationship dynamics are to their own. 

Amelia enjoys the anime, but as soon as it’s over, she wants to discuss the latest Naruto arc. 

As frustrated as he is, he also has been dying to talk about it with someone just as passionate a fan as he is. He’ll call this one a ball. 

* * *

Amelia insists she’s friends with nearly every nation, but there’s one in particular who they both share a special relationship with. 

England has said hardly anything about Kiku and Amelia’s tight bond, which is a bit surprising. Perhaps Francoise is keeping him busy, but no matter what has happened between the former empire and his colony, the two have remained close. They’re family at this point, and while Arthur may not have much love for his brothers, Kiku has no doubt that he loves Amelia. He wants her to be responsible, sure, but he also cares about her happiness. 

Out of ideas and with no telling how long her boss’s pivot towards Asia will last, Kiku is starting to feel desperate. Why not ask the person who knows America best then? 

“It’s been awhile since we shared a cup of tea like this. It’s rather nice,” Arthur comments, pleased just to have been invited over. “Odd choice of meeting place though. Will Amelia be joining us?” 

The two are alone in her Georgetown residence, enjoying tea in the sunroom. Kiku isn’t the most social person and would normally never invite a guest over to Amelia’s home without her permission, but Arthur and Matthew have a free pass to visit her whenever they like. They’re family. Both have spare keys to her home.

Kiku hums. “Possibly. She said she had to travel to New York today but would be back before dinner.” 

“I see…” There’s a small, knowing smile playing at his lips. “My old girl was busy as well today. It’s a good thing us chaps can get together then!” Arthur is nodding along, as if agreeing with himself. “It’s a good thing we’re mates, Kiku. No bad blood here about the past.” 

“_S-so desu… _” He’s not really sure what Arthur means, but he’s not going to disagree with him. He quickly switches back to English, trying not to think too hard about everything he just inferred. “It’s good that you and France-san were able to work things out and get married, even if it is just as humans. I know America is very happy for you. She worries a lot that you’re lonely.” 

There’s a hint of anger that flashes across Arthur’s face, but it quickly fades and gives way to something soft and almost fond. “She’s always been like that. Ever since she was a child, Amelia has always wanted to make sure I never felt alone. Then I failed her and she was the one who ended up lonely…” 

Kiku has heard this from Amelia before. Arthur isn’t wrong. “You were her whole world, but she knew that wasn’t the case on your end.” 

“Well, to be fair, no nation can make a colony their entire world,” Arthur murmurs into his tea. “When Spain tried that, it didn’t work out well for him. Sure, he’s happy with Romano. Devil knows _ why_, but he is. However, he sacrificed his entire position for that relationship and became something of a laughingstock. Amelia knows me. She understands I was never going to be like that--not for her, and not for Francoise. Even now, Francoise and I make it a point to keep our human lives and work lives separate as best we can. We don’t talk about work at home. It stops as soon as we leave our office buildings. It works out fairly well. If you aren’t doing that already, I’d advise you to start. Nothing is more frustrating than going to bed alone just because you won’t agree to something the EU wants to pass...” 

It clicks. “You think we’re in a relationship.” 

Arthur gives him a look, bushy brows pushing up to his hairline. “Aren’t you?” 

Kiku should be happy so many people think Amelia would ever want to be with him like that, but it’s frustrating. Everyone seems to be just feeding off of rumors. “No. I was actually hoping I could get some advice…” 

England listens as Japan tells him everything. He explains all the ways he’s tried to show Amelia that he cares for her the way a man cares for a woman, but each time he’s drawn up short or things don’t work out or she just doesn’t get it. 

“You need to tell Amelia directly,” Arthur finally interjects. “I didn’t understand Francoise’s feelings until she stopped playing around and was genuine. As _ unromantic _ as she calls it, we had been fighting for so long, it was impossible to trust she wasn’t just teasing me. Getting a sincere confession was the only way I’d ever accept her. As for a thick-headed dolt like Amelia...It’s the same way. Now, I wouldn’t come on to her quite like I did, but you need to leave no room for questions. She must understand your intent entirely.” 

“But do you think she’ll...return my feelings?” Nerves are starting to get to him. Just thinking about her rejection makes him want to vomit. 

Arthur glances around the room, as if he’s seeing something Kiku cannot. He nods, chuckles softly, and then replies, “The fairies have been watching you, cheering you on. Cheeky little things...Everyone is in agreement. Amelia is positively smitten. Just tell her.” 

Arthur’s obvious insanity aside, Kiku decides to trust his advice. The count is 1-2. He can’t walk. It’s time to dig deep and hit either a grand slam or strike out. 

* * *

“I think the Air and Space Museum needs an upgrade. What do you think?” Amelia asks as they leave their favorite ramen shop and head for Landmark’s Atlantic Plumbing Cinema. 

“I think the owners should open up a sister restaurant in the free space next to the theater,” Kiku replies, completely focused on food still, his belly warm and full of Sapporo-style noodles. “Daikaya is good, but the lines are long and it’s a cold walk in the winter…” 

Amelia gives him a smile that warms him up right away. “Dude, I was talking about the Smithsonian. Tony has been seriously complaining about that place. I want to do something nice for him and make him happy! Besides, it’s my favorite museum too!” 

The American History Museum is far too depressing for her to venture into willingly. They went together once when Kiku was interested in getting to know colonial America, but she had been less than pleased with the visit. A few questions later and he realized only Captain Cookie and the Milkman would save them from a spoiled evening. 

“So you care about an alien more than me?” he teases. “Or is it that you’re just selfish and want a chance to score more NASA gear?” 

“Don’t be cruel!” Amelia nudges him gently. “Or jealous. I mean, come on. Is there anyone in this world that I care about more than you?” 

This is it. He was planning on waiting until after the movie, but why not now? Waiting through dinner was nerve-wracking enough. As much as he'd love to have her cling to him during a horror movie, he'd be much more inclined to deal with her shrieking if she were his girlfriend. 

“...Kiku?” He’s stopped walking, causing foot traffic behind them to falter and dodge the pair. Amelia is quick to grab her friend’s hand and pull him off the busy sidewalk, standing in a well-lit alley with one of DC’s many murals on it. “Hey, are you okay? You don’t look so good.” 

It’s now or never.

“..._ Suki _.” 

“...Eh?” She’s staring at him. Her response is so typical, as if it’s right from an anime. There’s no way she doesn’t know what he means. Her Japanese is as good as his English. “Kiku…”

“I don’t want to lie to you. I know you hate that. The last thing you’d want is for a friend to keep something from you, so...Well, it means what it means…” He’s never been good at directly expressing his feelings. It was hard enough to admit it in his own language even though that was just one word. 

Amelia smiles. “Well, I really like you too, buddy~! But at this rate we’re gonna miss the movie, so we should--!” 

“_Dame!” _ He never shouts at her, but he feels like he’s going to explode if he can’t get this across to her now. “_Daisuki da yo_! _Tomodachi ni naritakunai!” _

_ “Wakarimasu!” _She’s practically shouting back at him now, and the loud and foreign conversation is drawing looks from U St’s bustling Saturday night crowd. Amelia sighs. “Kiku…”

His heart is sinking. He can see it now. She knows, she just doesn’t feel the same way. 

“...How long have you known?”

She looks uncomfortable, but they’re already in this deep. He’s the one who feels betrayed now. “I don’t know when it started, exactly. We just spend so much time together...I don’t know when I started to feel like that about you, but I made a decision a long time ago. You and I can only be friends.” 

A part of him wants to accept that, to get her rejection over with, to go back and hide in his room at home under the covers. Perhaps he’ll return to isolationism until his utter embarrassment blows over. “Why?” Maybe he’s a masochist. 

“You know why!” Amelia looks annoyed. “I can’t be emotional anymore! All I heard from my bosses and other nation’s was flak for getting involved with Russia! It doesn’t matter if other nations sleep with their enemies or date their friends or form significant, meaningful bonds with them! They’re not a superpower! They’re not _ women! _ They’re men! They’re _ rational _ and can keep their emotions in check when it comes down to making big decisions! But not women. Not me. If I get involved with someone, it might just destroy the whole world!” 

This is all news to him. “You don’t seriously believe that, do you?” 

“What does it matter?” She looks so tired. “Everyone else does. For years and years everyone has looked past my accomplishments and focused on the fact that I’m a girl...It’s even made my bosses uncomfortable at times. They’ve tried to keep things from me. They don’t trust me. If I want to be taken seriously, I just have to focus on work. I’m the only one that can keep the world safe. I’m the world’s heroine, so…” 

That gets him going again. “So everyone owns a piece of you? I thought you weren’t going to let that happen ever again!” It’s not fair. None of this is fair. Has Russia cursed him again? 

“No! But haven’t you heard that we should never meet our heroes, Kiku?” Her blue eyes are pleading with him to understand, but he just can’t. “The world doesn’t know the real me. _ You _ don’t even know the real me. Hell, even I sometimes feel like the girl in the mirror doesn’t match up with who I am inside, but as long as nobody knows that, it doesn’t matter! The world looks to America. I won’t have them see me as a heartbroken, foolish little girl. I’ve worked hard to turn that reputation around. I want people to focus on my _success_, not my _love life_. No matter how much I may like you--and I really, _ really _like you, Kiku--we can’t be together!” He doesn’t want to look at her anymore. “...I thought you understood that.”

He can’t face her. She sounds disappointed in him. Has he completely blown this? Was the game rigged from the start? 

Things will never be able to go back to the way they were before. “Why’d you have to make it weird, Kiku…?” It’s a final shot through the heart. 

“If you felt it too, then I didn’t ‘_make it weird’!” _ He's never felt like this before. Heartbreak is one special Hell. He wants to beg her to change her mind, yell at her to follow her heart, and crawl under his futon and play dead for awhile. “I didn’t ask to move in with you! I didn’t ask for you to bring me out of isolation! I never asked you to be friends with me! I never asked for hugs and stolen kisses! You have controlled everything and I have always just agreed to it! You aren’t a foolish girl, America! You are _selfish!” _

She’s heard that plenty of times before. She can’t even pretend to deny it. 

“You can’t treat me like a boyfriend and then say we’re just friends! You can’t say you return my feelings but not accept a confession! This is not a Burger King! You cannot just have it your way!” He's out of breath, but immediately feels embarrassed by his display. Greece would be impressed. 

For once, she has nothing to say. Amelia folds her hands in front of her, looking somber but unemotional. She’s trained her rigid, militaristic poker face. “I think you should move out.” 

So that’s it then. Years and years of this little game and suddenly she’s done, as if none of it ever mattered. His heart is shattered and he feels like a broken toy to be done away with. 

Kiku doesn’t fight her. Why bother? Amelia has made her choice. He’s not going to push her to do something she doesn’t want to do, even if it would make them both happy. He knows a fight he can’t win when he sees one. He hails a cab and leaves her alone in a neighborhood where drunken hookups abound. He doesn’t want to think about what she might do once he’s gone. 

By the time Amelia returns home, all traces of Kiku have vanished. Amelia has mentioned that on the world stage, she’s often had to ‘go it alone’. More and more, she feels as if there’s no choice but to isolate herself. But she always had Kiku waiting for her, supporting her, cheering her up when she was down and encouraging her to stay strong. Now she really is alone. 

Nothing left to do but embrace the loneliness that comes with being at the top. 

* * *

She tells everyone she’s excited to have a new president. She loved Obama, she’s thankful for his service, she’s happy she’ll see him around town, but 8 years is 8 years and she’s looking forward to working with Mr. Trump. 

Kiku can spot her fake smile even on the television. 

_ “Isn’t she beautiful? Look at her. Gorgeous. America the Beautiful, they call her. It’s good a man as great as me is in charge of her now. I’m going to take care of you, sweetheart. Don’t worry. I’ll always put you first.” _

He can see her face tighten up as his hand rests on her thigh. She must be shaking with rage right now. He can only imagine how conflicted she feels. This might be Amelia’s first boss who truly thinks they own her. 

* * *

“Amelia is busier than ever…” Ludwig notes, watching Amelia race out the doors of their meeting, a trail of paper memos in her wake. 

“And sadder,” Feliciano adds. “She turned down a pizza party...Amelia loves those! I would be sad too if I had to say no to big brother’s pizza…” 

Both of them look to Kiku, but he doesn’t say anything. 

“Isn’t the D.C. Cherry Blossom Festival coming up?” Ludwig mentions, and Kiku remains silent. “Feliciano and I were thinking of going this year.” 

“I see. How nice.” He’s barely said two words since their friendship suddenly and decisively ended. That smile that she used to shoot him across the room at parties has completely vanished. Amelia won’t look at him. Even in meetings, she seems eager to fall back on the attention of Arthur, Matthew, or her fellow female nations like Belgium, Hungary, and France. That’s fine. It’s not like he has anything else to say to her anyway. 

“Won’t you be attending?” 

The look Kiku gives him must have been a vestige from his time as a samurai. Feliciano is quick to cower behind Ludwig, even if he wasn’t the one who asked. Their friend has been much more temperamental ever since what the rest of the world refers to as their ‘breakup’. “Why? So I could be your third wheel again?” 

“Come on, Kiku...Isn’t the Sakura Matsuri a celebration of yours and America’s friendship? Very few other nations even have such a beloved cultural festival right in Amelia’s heart.” 

“America-san doesn’t have a heart.” 

Feliciano frowns. “You know that’s not true.” Ludwig coached him on this next bit. “Don’t you think you’re being unprofessional by not attending? You go every year with the Japanese delegation. I bet your boss will be sad if you don’t go…” 

Italy? Questioning his professionalism? 

“I will think about it.” It’s all going according to plan. 

Normally, whenever Japan says he’s going to think about something, it means no. But whenever it’s Amelia, it always means yes. 

* * *

Cherry blossoms have become synonymous with Japan. The fact that Amelia has celebrated them formally since 1912 always makes him feel warm. As self-involved as she can be, they’ve always felt like a celebration of him. At first it was just to show him how much she appreciated his friendship. The last few years have felt even more special for some reason. 

_ “Walking with Japan like this gives me a special feeling!” she gushed to a reporter last year, and Kiku had hidden his face in his hands, a blushing and mortified mess. _

She had felt it too. She just refused to say it in so many words. She wouldn’t be forthright about it, and American directness was something he was so accustomed to, he completely forgot that Amelia could be crafty and secretive when truly pressed. He had been oblivious to how careful she had been. He can feel another wave of loss hit him as the sun begins to dip beneath the sky. 

She dressed in stylish yet professional Western attire once again this year. She was wearing more makeup than usual. It wasn’t her typical style and he wondered if she had someone help her apply it. Her hair had been pinned up as well. 

_ Are you alright? Why the change? Is everything okay? _

They don’t exchange any words, not even when they’re standing side by side for pictures. He wants to though. They should say _ something_. Can they really just continue ignoring one another like this? 

“America-san, I--!” 

Amelia is already gone, but another blonde is in her place. “Sorry. America has important business right now.” 

“Germany-san…!” He’s surprised, but Ludwig did mention he and Feliciano would be here. “You’re wearing a yukata.” 

Ludwig turns a pretty shade of pink. Even Kiku can admire it. Feliciano really is lucky. Someone so burly shouldn’t be able to be this cute, but considering his own taste, he thinks he gets it. 

“So are you! Don’t look so surprised. It’s a cultural festival, after all, and Feliciano wanted to dress up so…” 

“Ah, is he wearing a female version? It would look good on him.” That’s something he’d like to see. He can picture it now, full makeup and everything with a decorative comb in his hair. 

“Please keep your perversions focused on America.” 

“So he is then.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Kiku hums appreciatively, crossing his arms over his chest. Just because he’s been in love with America for years doesn’t mean he’s blind. “Well. I suppose you’ll want to get back to your date then. Excuse me--!” Kiku feels his friend’s muscular arms suddenly on him. “Um...Germany-san?” 

“Sorry--! I just--! Y-you can’t go yet! We have to have a lot of fun!” 

“...Please let go of me. You’re sort of freaking me out right now..!” Had he really pushed his friends too far? “I don’t want to take part in anything kinky between the two of you!” 

“...What the hell is happening here?” Gilbert asks, appearing as if from nowhere. He’s also wearing traditional summer robes. 

Ludwig doesn’t let go of Kiku, but he seems equally surprised to see his sibling there. “Weren’t you with Elizabeta?” 

“Yeah, but she kicked me out for ‘getting in the way’. Like a dainty little musician was going to be able to move a piano _ by himself_.” Prussia crosses his arms over his chest and scowls at nobody in particular. “It’s not _ my _fault he can’t carry his weight.” 

The confusion continues. “Austria-san and Hungary-san are here too?” 

Gilbert sniffs. “Yep.” 

“I’m sorry...That must be very difficult for you, Prussia-kun...” He can only assume that Hungary and Austria are on a date. He can’t keep track of that particular little love triangle. “Seeing the one you love on a date with someone else…How horrible.” 

That gives Ludwig an idea. Before Prussia can angrily correct the fact that Elizabeta came with _ him_, his brother is quick to play along. “Oh, yes! Very tragic. Gilbert is sad. Right, brother? You’re _sad_.” 

Still a strategist even after all these years, Gilbert quickly catches on to his younger sibling’s scheme. “Oh, uh...Ja! Got a real case of einsamkeit! Totally lame!” 

“It’s a good thing the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial always cheers him up!” 

“...Seriously?” 

“I have dreams too, you know.” 

* * *

Kiku isn’t sure what’s so appealing about that particular monument to Prussia. Gilbert has never exactly been one for peaceful _anything_ and the monument only opened in 2011, so it’s not like it can hold some significance to when he was once a nation. 

Still, the Tidal Basin is quite a sight with all the cherry blossoms and one of Amelia’s favorite bosses has a memorial of his own just around the rim of the water. They’ve often walked that romantic path together. Even as darkness creeps over the city, the lights will illuminate everything and make it a beautiful sight to behold. 

As they begin to approach the statue of the civil rights leader, Kiku notices that there are very few people milling about. There’s even a jersey barrier cutting off access to that area of the park. Before he can apologize to Gilbert though, Arthur is there and pushing the barrier away. 

“Right on time. Nice work, krauts!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Arthur whistles, and if Kiku's eyes don’t deceive him, Matthew races off from a crouched position behind a bush. Francoise replaces him, striding out in her own intricate kimono. 

“...What is happening?” Kiku has had enough of being dragged along. Everyone is acting beyond bizarre and this event has never been one that so many other nations have attended before. 

Before anyone can say anything, hidden speakers begin blasting a familiar piano tune. It’s _ Dear You _from Higurashi. Someone is singing along. 

_ I sit and I wonder where you have been, what are you doing now? _

_ Are you in this endless deep blue sky high in the clouds? _

It’s not Japanese. Amelia can speak Japanese just fine, but for some reason, she struggles with singing. They’ve listened to this cover together before. 

He turns to his friends once again for an explanation, but Francoise is giggling as she shoves him forward. He stumbles and takes a few steps, glances over his shoulder at them, and then looks towards the lighted path. Paper lanterns illuminate the way through blossoming cherry trees. 

_ Now that you are gone I finally know what I have truly lost _

_ I lost all the things that filled up my heart up until now _

_ Just how much you've been there holding me up, supporting me through the years _

_ Just how much you've made me smile even when I am in tears _

He doesn’t want to think about all those memories. What is Amelia trying to do? It’s definitely her voice. 

_ I still can't believe or consider what has gone _

_ It's too much to take but my heart is beating on _

_ I reached out my hand and I struggled for a grasp _

_ As hard as I tried I could not take them back _

Even though someone has tried to light lanterns to guide his way in the dark, the cherry blossom trees have large and spindly roots that have taken over a good majority of this path. He has to walk over them carefully, watching every agonizingly slow step he takes. 

_ Like the wind they slipped through my fingers like an illusion _

_ I thought that I had them but it was all a dream _

It’s a lonely and heartbreaking song. It tells a tale of loss and the piano is hauntingly beautiful even if every key feels like it’s filled with regret. He appreciated the game and the emotional roller coaster it put him through, enjoyed the soundtrack immensely, but he never expected to ever hear Amelia sing such a haunting gale. Her voice is that of a siren’s and he’s compelled to finish this journey. 

_ I felt so alone with none but despair making it hard to breath _

_ I've never felt like this, feeling my heart begin to break _

_ But I still remember, it still remains, your sweet smiling face _

_ Still cheering me on, pushing me through like always _

He can see her now. Somehow, she’s managed to drag a piano to the lip of the Tidal Basin, just beneath the cherry trees near the FDR memorial. 

She’s wearing what he assumed was that long-forgotten pink yukata. 

_ Let's go back in time and relive those happy days _

_ I know now for sure it will be better this way _

_ Where I'm always smiling right by your side _

_ Standing closely right by your side _

Her playing pauses for just a moment when she sees him. The microphone picks up the inhalation of her breath, the light gasp, as if she didn’t expect him to show. 

“Ami-chan…” He makes a motion with his hands. Continue. 

She nods and finishes the final verse, albeit a bit quicker than it’s supposed to be played. 

_ I sit and I wonder where you have been, what are you doing now? _

_ Are you in this endless deep blue sky high in the clouds? _

_ All that I desire is for the smile that makes me smile too _

_ Right now it's the only thing I will ever ask of you _

They stare at each other in silence for a moment. Amelia eventually stands from the piano. Kiku tries to ignore the feeling of eyes on them. 

“You tried to be romantic. I thought I should try it too.” 

“_Why?” _Their situation hasn’t changed. The world may not be fond of her boss right now, but Amelia is still Amelia. If anything, she needs to be more focused now than ever. 

“Because I love you, Kiku.” Her heart has never felt so certain of anything before. “I know I haven’t been fair to you, and I’m sorry. I should have talked to you more. I should have been honest with you. But the truth is, I’ve been in love with you for a long time and I haven’t been able to stop it, no matter how much I’ve tried. Fighting my heart is a battle I just can’t win.” 

He isn’t sure if he’s ready for her to be this close again, but Amelia keeps walking towards him, closing the distance. Her hands are suddenly in his, gentle but firm, forever reassuring. 

“You and I have been through everything together. War, peace,_ miracles _ ...We have gone through just about everything our kind can together and we’ve always managed to come out stronger and better together. No matter what, I never regret being close to you. I never want to _ stop _ being close to you. These past few months have been hell and really put things in perspective for me.”

“I know we’re nations. I know there may be times when we won’t be on the same side. I don’t know the future, but I do know _ us. _ Kiku, you and I...We’re _ everything. _” 

It’s almost impossible to keep his heart from beating out of his chest. He’s freezing up. He should say something to her. _ Anything _. 

One of Amelia’s hands leaves his own and he feels this opportunity slipping away. “Does that mean you’ll make miso soup for me every day?” 

She laughs. It’s a relief to hear that again, to see her smiling face, but he can’t help feeling stupid. That’s such an outdated phrase and he’s not sure if she’ll even understand it. He wouldn’t be surprised if she’s offended. 

“Weird, but yeah,” she agrees as she takes a knee. “But I’m the one who thought to get a ring, so could you kinda let me have the moment to propose? This is getting kind of awkward.” 

“_Nani _?!” 

She laughs again and pulls the ring box out of the sleeve of her yukata. “You seriously didn’t think I _wasn’t_ going to try to one-up you, right~?” 

“Ami…” Has there ever been a more obnoxious, insufferable, amazing woman?

She stands back up and slips the ring on his finger. He doesn’t pull away, doesn’t protest, doesn’t complain that she’s flipped the script on their gender roles. This is all so typically Amelia. “I love you, Kiku. Let’s get married.” 

“Okay-_-h__ai_. I mean, yes!” Whatever she wants. He agrees. He just wants to be able to finally kiss her. 

Before he can lean in though, she has to yell, “He said ‘yes’!” 

Right on cue, a line of shouts ring through the air before being drowned out by the sound of gunpowder. Glittering fireworks light up the sky, and it is all so quintessentially cinematic, a complete Hollywood production only Amelia could pull off. It’s both wonderfully tacky and amazingly over the top. It’s beautiful, but it’s too much. He’ll never forget it even if he wanted to.

She does her best to keep her lips together when he kisses her, but he can feel Amelia’s smile against his mouth and her bubbling laughter makes him pull away with a laugh of his own. 

“Kiku, you’re crying…!” she points out, when she pulls away, wiping at his eyes and pressing kisses to his cheeks. 

_ “Aishiteru.” _

He knows he’ll never find anyone else who understands him quite like Amelia. Seeing her turn pink enough to match her yukata and looking so bashful at such a declaration means she understands the gravity behind that phrase. 

She kisses him again and they melt together this time, a sweet and passionate kiss that is no less and no more satisfying than one that ends with her laughter. 

Amelia is still smiling when they part, the fireworks still flashing across the water mirrored in her eyes. A sweep of wind blows through the trees, scattering cherry blossom petals over the both of them, showering them in their sweetness. 

They sit at the edge of the Tidal Basin, Amelia positioning herself so even with her extra inch of height over Kiku, she can rest her head on his shoulder and watch the last of the fireworks with his arm wrapped around her. 

“You know you’re the one who’s going to have to make the miso soup, right?” 

“I know.” Of course he does. 

“HEY! When are you guys gonna come celebrate?!” That’s Lovino’s voice, and Antonio’s shushing isn’t far behind. 

“How many people did you drag into this?” Kiku finally asks, a question he’s been wondering. 

Amelia laughs. “I had a whole team of superheroes working on this, babe!” That’s a new one. He’s going to have to get used to that. Since when is he a babe? “All our friends are here! I couldn’t have done this alone. Everyone was my backup!” 

That’s more like the America--the Amelia--he knows and loves. 

America may change over time, but there are constants. She has always been cheerful, energetic, and an unstoppable force in whatever cause she pledges herself to. She’s a justice and freedom-obsessed freak and while that can make her obnoxious, it also amounts to an overwhelming generosity for others even when she’s frequently accused of being selfish. Yes, she gets into everyone’s business, but it’s because she cares, and Amelia has never stopped caring, not even for her worst enemies. Her heart is big and she wears it on her sleeve, and though it might make some uncomfortable, it also ensures that nobody is ever lonely. Amelia is a giver of second-chances, of shelter, of redemption, of friendship. She’s made mistakes, but she’s picked herself up from each one and had the tenacity to keep going, carrying the lessons she's learned with her. 

America has grown faster than anyone can keep pace with her, but she’s never stopped chasing her happy ending. This is it, or so she thinks. Her worst enemy has been defeated, she got the guy, and now they’re getting ready to start the rest of their lives together. 

Wait, the rest of their lives? None of the scripts prepared her for that. 

America has the dawning realization that growth doesn’t stop once you get the Disney ending.

"So...What's next?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with the end of a chapter comes a few notes...
> 
> 1\. Chains of Love: A play on Sailor Venus' Love Me Chain. If you've ever watched any old school anime, you'll notice characters love to name their moves and announce their crazy attacks. Amelia and Kiku are nerds.  
2\. 9/11: George Bush is quoted here. I can't begin to get in to how heartbreaking watching footage of the towers was, but it's not just the towers. It's the Pentagon. It's the people that fought back and saved the Capitol Building from being destroyed. Terrorism is a universal blight and I feel sorry for the victims of every terrorist attack and incident, but the people in the towers that were simply waiting for death and had to make the decision to jump as others watched helplessly is...I can't ever do it justice. But if you can read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, please do. It's a wonderful story of a boy who lost his father that day and the man described by Amelia is featured heavily as nobody knows who that man is and many have speculated if it was their loved one.  
3\. Baseball: America's pastime that Japan is just as crazy about. A lot of Japanese players come to America to play in the MLB though they could be just as comfortable playing at home. Hideki Matsui played for the Yankees during a period of dominance that included Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. A .300 batting average and above is considered good, so imagine what a .615 batting average means. In 2009, that was Matsui's average during the World Series. He was the MVP that year. However, Matsui isn't considered the greatest Japanese player in the MLB. That honor goes to Ichiro Suzuki, according to some sports website.  
4\. Elvis v. Taylor Swift: I don't care what gender America is. The boy/girl loves T-Swift and nobody can convince me to change my mind (but the actual #1 artist in US history is still the Beatles).  
5\. I live and work in DC, so please deal with my shamelessness. DC has been going through a ton of gentrification in the past two decades or so, but Georgetown has always been an extraordinarily wealthy and historic neighborhood.  
6\. Plato's Allegory of the Cave: Kiku's making shadows on the wall for Amelia, but what they both really need to do is step into the sunlight. Or something like that.  
7\. Anime: They're both anime nerds, but if you want to see some high school Amelia and Kiku, give Tzuredure Children a try. It hadn't come out yet based on the timeline I have for Amelia and Kiku, but Minigawa and Furuya and Kana and Chiaki have big Amelia and Kiku energy. Minigawa and Furuya's conversations were originally going to serve as a basis for Amelia and Kiku, but the idea was scrapped. It just didn't fit the narrative.  
8\. Pivot to Asia and England and the EU: Minor nods to politics. Obama had a much-talked about 'pivot to Asia' where he was focusing on shoring up the military and diplomacy there. The UK often disagrees with whatever the EU wants to do, so much so that it's practically a joke and well...You guys know what's happening now.  
9\. More DC businesses: The Landmark Atlantic Plumbing Cinema is a great little theater with excellent deals on adult beverages. Daikaya is a very popular ramen restaurant in DC that is always packed. Luckily for Kiku, a sister restaurant named Haikan is now right next to the theater and IMO is even better than Daikaya. Captain Cookie and Milkman is a superhero-themed homemade ice cream sandwich shop. This is the go-to place for college kids to get freshly baked cookies and it's open late.  
10\. Japanese: Suki= I like you. Can be romantic. Dame= Stop. Daisuki da yo! Tomodachi ni naritakunai! = I really like you! I don't want to be friends! Wakarimasu!= I understand!  
11\. Trump: I just don't feel like Amelia would be thrilled to have a boss who grabs women by their genitals and brags about it. Nations can dislike their bosses, and this guy is in her bottom 3 (based on scholars and where they rank presidents).  
12\. The National Cherry Blossom Festival: This is a big deal in DC. The whole city gets redecorated for it and it lasts about a month. It's a celebration of Japan and America's friendship and it's been happening since 1912 when 1,000 trees were donated to the US to be planted around the Potomac (really 3,000, but the first 2,000 were infested with pests and had to be destroyed).  
13\. Miso Soup: Apparently, this is how you ask people to marry you in Japan. Either that or ask them if they want to share a grave. Very romantic, Japan.  
14\. Aishiteru: Most married couples won't even use this term for 'I love you'. It's incredibly serious and come to be associated with dramas and anime rather than real life. It's something Japan might say to Amelia twice in their whole lives.


End file.
